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Original poster

Husband rages at games and mimics me

26 replies

CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:20

I play video games with my husband, it's a hobby we both enjoy and I like spending time with him this way.

However, all he does is rage and complain about every aspect of the game. It really kills my vibe and then it makes me annoyed too cuz he's ruining my fun.

I used to just stay silent but then he got mad at me for 'ignoring him'. So, I switched to saying 'mhm'. I don't have anything else to say, I don't want to agree with him (because I don't agree) and I don't want to say anything to encourage this behaviour.

I've had many talks with him about how I don't like his attitude when we play but he just says 'oh so I'm not allowed to be annoyed/upset' or 'oh so I can't complain?' 'I can't say anything ever I guess', 'you rage too' (no where near as much as he does but he refuses to admit this).

Anyway, tonight he was doing it again and I said 'mhm' and this time he mockingly imitated me and went MHM in an exaggerated high pitched voice. I called him out for it and he just said 'thats all you say to anything I say, if I did that to you, you'd be mad'.

I haven't spoken to him since (it was like an hour ago), but I know eventually he's gonna come into our room acting like nothing happened.

The mimic thing really made me mad but I can't put into words why... anyway, any advice would be appreciated. If I try to talk about this he'll just say any of the above examples I gave...

OP posts:
Kerkyra2024 · 04/10/2024 12:23

I'd stop playing with him in that case. I'm sorry that you deal with that when you just wanna play a game with him and have fun.

Megifer · 04/10/2024 12:25

Stop playing with him he obviously can't handle them. Is he bad at it? Assume it's online stuff like R6 etc?

Start playing on your own.

Original poster
CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:31

@Megifer Yeah, it's mainly Fortnite, Overwatch, Rocket League or Apex Legends this happens on.

He's actually really good, he just complains about how every character is broken or nobody is healing him and he always dies to BS stuff etc.

I want to play alone, and I do sometimes, but it gets lonely and then we don't spend as much time together...

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:32

@Kerkyra2024 ·Thank you :( he doesn't see the issue because he rages when he plays with his friends, but they don't seem to have an issue with it like I do, probably because they're also guys who rage too much.

Probably totally replying to these wrong, sorry I am new to mumsnet haha

OP posts:
Girlmom35 · 04/10/2024 12:34

You say you like spending time with him this way.
I disagree. Nothing you've said since even remotely indicates that you enjoy these moments.
Maybe you like the idea of gaming together, if he were to have the emotional intelligence of a lemon and wouldn't act this way.

Stop doing it. If he asks why, tell him you don't want to be surrounded with his negative emotions while you're trying to do something fun and relaxing. If he gets offended (very unattractive quality by the way, and also a serious red flag), tell him that yes, he's allowed to be annoyed. But that doesn't obligate you to be around him when he is.

Kerkyra2024 · 04/10/2024 12:36

Agree with @Girlmom35

I game and I cannot handle gamers who rage I just want to have a good time. And as for the mimicing that is one thing that will 100% upset me

Kerkyra2024 · 04/10/2024 12:37

What system do you game on by the way? I mainly use steam but also have a PS4 and switch

Original poster
CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:40

Girlmom35 · 04/10/2024 12:34

You say you like spending time with him this way.
I disagree. Nothing you've said since even remotely indicates that you enjoy these moments.
Maybe you like the idea of gaming together, if he were to have the emotional intelligence of a lemon and wouldn't act this way.

Stop doing it. If he asks why, tell him you don't want to be surrounded with his negative emotions while you're trying to do something fun and relaxing. If he gets offended (very unattractive quality by the way, and also a serious red flag), tell him that yes, he's allowed to be annoyed. But that doesn't obligate you to be around him when he is.

I do enjoy it when we play games that aren't any of those multiplayer shooters, he doesn't have anything to rage over then.

The problem is, we both get bored pretty quickly of those sorts of games. Overwatch is actually my favourite game ever so I DO want to play it with him, he just ends up ruining my fun every time.

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:41

Kerkyra2024 · 04/10/2024 12:37

What system do you game on by the way? I mainly use steam but also have a PS4 and switch

I play on PC and switch. :)

Yeah, it was the mimicking that really made me mad this time, just an escalation I wasn't prepared for (he's never done that before).

As bad as it sounds I was kind of resigned to the raging.

OP posts:
Kerkyra2024 · 04/10/2024 12:42

I play a few multiplayer games if you'd like I'm always open to adding you if you just want a chilled out gaming session

pikkumyy77 · 04/10/2024 12:50

Sounds like he just can’t handle himself while gaming. I can’t figure out whether its more sad or more creepy. Take a hard look at this jerk and ask yourself whether he’s good partner material long term. He is rage addicted, bored where he is left to his own devices, and will escalate and use tactics of humiliation and retaliation to get the emotional excitement he craves. If you had children he will tease and humiliate them when he is bored or needs entertainment.

category12 · 04/10/2024 12:51

"Boyfriend, if you don't stop raging and mocking me during games, I'm going to stop playing with you."

If he dismisses what you say and won't listen when he's upsetting you, actually take on board how little respect he has for you.

It may be a relatively small issue now, but it'll play out on bigger things too. He's acting pretty contemptuous.

sorrythetruthhurts · 04/10/2024 12:54

Can you get together a group of people to play with who act more like you and less like him? He might see his behaviour is weird then.

Original poster
CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:59

Kerkyra2024 · 04/10/2024 12:42

I play a few multiplayer games if you'd like I'm always open to adding you if you just want a chilled out gaming session

that would be nice :)

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 13:00

sorrythetruthhurts · 04/10/2024 12:54

Can you get together a group of people to play with who act more like you and less like him? He might see his behaviour is weird then.

When we play with my friends, he doesn't rage as much, I think because he doesn't know them as well.

With his own friends, he rages just as much and they rage too.

OP posts:
ChristmasRoses · 04/10/2024 13:01

I used to play a different kind of game with my (now ex)H. He raged when I beat him and one day be smashed his fist down on the playing area. That was the last time I played him and I took up playing the game online which he hated as well and eventually I divorced the twat. Much happier now, still play the game online.

pikkumyy77 · 04/10/2024 13:17

Christ just talk to him like an adult—though I bet he sulks and whines if you do—just say “your raging and mean behavior when you play with your friends is supremely annoying and unattractive to me. We can’t play together if all you can do is whine, rage, and act like a teenager. Stop asking me to play with you. You can’t handle things like a grown up and I’m not interested in being your punching bag.” Then follow through.

Nanny0gg · 04/10/2024 13:34

CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:41

I play on PC and switch. :)

Yeah, it was the mimicking that really made me mad this time, just an escalation I wasn't prepared for (he's never done that before).

As bad as it sounds I was kind of resigned to the raging.

Show quote history

What is the point of playing with someone who ruins it?

Can't you find some online players with better attitudes?

Kerkyra2024 · 04/10/2024 13:36

OP I've sent you a message with my Steam profile name if you wanted to add me

FictionalCharacter · 04/10/2024 13:40

he just ends up ruining my fun every time.

So you need new gaming partners. What’s the point of playing with someone who ruins your fun? The whole point of playing is to have fun!

DecoratingDiva · 10/10/2024 13:14

I play video games with my husband, it's a hobby we both enjoy and I like spending time with him this way

And yet you go on to describe how it is making you unhappy and how much you don’t like being with him when gaming because of his behaviour.

The simple answer would be to not game together but to be in different spaces then you can do what you enjoy without him ruining it but if you insist on being together to play then tell him you find his immature teenage behaviour deeply unattractive and suggest he grows up a bit.

Julieju1 · 10/10/2024 14:27

Could you play from a different room, with headphones off. Just a thought.

wulves · 10/10/2024 14:32

Jesus that sounds miserable and would give me the major ick. He would be looking less and less attractive to me by the day with this behaviour.

Topseyt123 · 10/10/2024 14:34

He sounds like an overgrown toddler having tantrums. I wouldn't game with such a twat.

Candystore22 · 10/10/2024 16:06

CharlotteP96 · 04/10/2024 12:32

@Kerkyra2024 ·Thank you :( he doesn't see the issue because he rages when he plays with his friends, but they don't seem to have an issue with it like I do, probably because they're also guys who rage too much.

Probably totally replying to these wrong, sorry I am new to mumsnet haha

Edited

They don’t SAY they have a problem with it, but I’m sure they don’t like his behaviour either.
Not all men get totally enraged when playing online games. I know plenty of men who don’t (and plenty of men who dislike that behaviour in others).
Essentially he’s behaving like a toddler with a temper tantrum. And the copying business is just MEAN and abusive. Refuse to play with him. I know you write you want to spend time with him, but do you really want to spend time with someone who abuses you?? Have an adult conversation with him and tell him his raging and mimicking is abusive and hurtful and you will not play with him till he does something about his behaviour.