Had he lost interest in me?

[Emilysmum1990]

Hi, I had a baby six months ago with my long term partner. We were in separate bedrooms for most of that time but are sharing again now. I've just started to feel more 'human' and my sex drive has woken back up. However, my partner has no interest. I have initiated a few times and he went with it but I feel like I'm forcing him. I caught him using porn and spending a considerable amount of time chatting to AI 'girlfriends' with very explicit conversations. He says he is very stressed with work, has found being a dad hard and he also says that he is really conscious that he has put on weight and finds his body disgusting and that he resorted to the AI sexting because it was exciting, nobody was getting hurt and it helped him to escape work pressure. He said he wouldn't want to have sex with him so why would I want to. I have reacted very badly to his use of AI girlfriends as I feel like it is emotional cheating (he told one bot that he loved them) and I'm currently having some counselling to help. Through this he was going to bed early because he was tired, leaving me to look after our baby, only for me to find that he was staying up sexting the AI girls. He was chatting to the bots while laying in bed next to me and while I was in the nursery rocking our baby to sleep and he admitted to watching porn next to me while I slept. He hasn't once tried to initiate anything with me. I'm wondering if the issue is more to do with my weight gain? We went through IVF and I've put on nearly 5 stone through that and the pregnancy. He said he doesn't find me as attractive as he did when we first met 17years ago, but only by a little bit. I'm starting to think that my weight is the issue and thst he just doesn't find me attractive. Any thoughts?

I'm sorry OP but the sexting with the AI girlfriends alone would finish the relationship for me : to all intents and purposes he is treating them like real women and he is cheating on you. And for me his use of porn would be a relationship ender any way - especially gross that watches it in bed next to you.

" Nobody was hurt"? So are you nobody?

I

I’m so sorry. He is escaping into a fantasy world because the real world is difficult. I think it's salvageable. have you both put on weight and have you both lost your way a little? He would need to agree to give up the ai girls and porn though. And he would need to admit that he has hurt you and treated you badly.

Yes, we've both put on weight but him less so. He said he feels disgusting but I'm worried that this is a cover up for how he actually feels about me. The porn/AI stuff has broken my heart. He said he would stop the AI chats but not the regular porn.

Don’t tempt him into blaming you for his ai girls and porn habit. He will blame you if you let him. You’ve just had a baby, your body naturally gains weight within this process; he didn’t grow a baby, he should be looking after his family not faffing around with ai girls and porn. Tell him to look up nofapp.

So even though he knows it’s broken your heart, he’s said he’s not going to stop doing it. He doesn’t care about your feelings and porn is more important to him. He’s an addict. He won’t change. Tell him to get out your house and raise your child in a healthy home.

This.

I'd be out at that to be honest.
And someone was hurt. You.
So what is he going to do about that exactly?
I can't see your sex life getting back on track if he refuses to participate and instead invests his energy into his AI girlfriends and porn watching.
So his self esteem is low he says. So his answer to that is to bring yours down with him?

I've always known he uses porn but it's never been something that had an impact on our relationship so although he knows I'm not keen on it, I've never asked him to stop. But now feels different. He was choosing porn and AI girlfriends Iver me and our baby. We've discussed it and he has been much better with baby but I still struggle with how I feel. He says the AI stuff is clearly fantasy and that he knew that all along. He thinks I'm making it worse by focusing on the emotional cheating concept and that it was a means to an end. He also said it was exciting.

He says he is very stressed with work

It is amazing just how many men deal with that by using it as an excuse for their porn/cheating.

He’s minimising your feelings. How would he feel if you were doing the same? I bet he wouldn’t like it. It doesn’t matter if he thinks it’s harmless and all a fantasy because it’s affecting you and your relationship. So it does matter. And a porn addict will take porn over his real life partner all the time. Look it up. Check out loveafterporn. Do these AI gf cost money? If so, there’s financial implications too. He’s spending the family money on sex and it’s sex that doesn’t involve you. So it’s a no go. Tell him to stop or its curtains. He even does it in bed next to you! How disrespectful is that?! I’d have left him by now. I’d have packed his bags and told him to enjoy all the porn and AI GF he wants because he’s ruined his real life.

100% they disgust me. Honestly, the way they put their penis over and above all else makes me sick.

This man tells you that he doesn't find you as attractive - but only a "little bit less attractive" - after you have carried his baby?
He ALSO tells a computer that he "loves her" in his strange AI world?
Very seriously: What kind of a joke of masculinity is this guy??? 😮

I wouldn't even walk - I would run here.
IF you wish to try and continue this relationship (which I strongly advise against!) I suggest that he needs therapy because AI isn't real and telling a pretend girl that you "love them" is just beyond weird...He is living in some form of fantasy and it isn't good when you are there with a small baby. I wish you the very best - none of this is your fault! 💐