If your kids hated seeing their dad when they were young did they eventually stop seeing him when they grew up into 10/11/12 + year olds?

[Korn4]

Dd is 6 and hates her dad and seeing him.
She knows from conversations with me that a Judge decided this was in her best interests.
DD knows from conversations with school that once she's of a certain age she can decide herself.
She often tells me once this day comes she'll stop seeing him. He's abusive so I don't blame her at all, I've always encouraged her to see him but also want to validate her feelings.
Did your kids cut out their dad once they were old enough to decide?

Yes, DD14 sees her father very irregularly, like about every 2 months or so, and hasn't had overnight stays in about 3 years. He lives about a 5 min drive away.

His older daughter is also low contact, however neither of them has cut him off permanently yet.

Yes. DD and I moved out of the marital home when she was 6. ‘D’H had never taken any interest in her and was abusive towards me so naturally DD was scared of him and therefore expressed no wish whatsoever to see him. Unfortunately, my ex being as controlling as he was, wanted DD to be forced to see him and a custody battle followed.

Social workers got involved and spent time with DD alone discussing why she was so sure that she didn’t want to see him. In the end it was agreed that she would have to meet with him biweekly in a neutral place (like a café) alongside my sister who would supervise the meeting and provide support for DD who was understandably very upset by the whole thing. DD refused to speak to him and my ex would get increasingly frustrated + angry with her at the meetings. This went on for 3 years until she was 10. Eventually he finally gave up and DD was able to live her life without being tormented both by him and social services.

She’s 20 now - no attempt at contact has ever been made by him since, nor does DD want him in her life.

My DS decided no more at ages 12 and 13, a year and a half ago.
Their father is very angry, he and that side of the family have tried to initiate contact and say they can't understand why I'm not "forcing" them to meet him.
DSs had a hard time with him and have mh problems. I am glad they are free and can start to heal.

My daughters are 22 & 18, stopped contact at 16 & 13 respectively. He has 2 other children older than mine and they have also stopped contact. It is better for them all, but I can't say it's not having a huge impact on the way they see men generally so it all just doesn't end with ceasing contact, it's just part of a journey.

I can understand this completely. My DD is on the other side and she often wonders why her dad can't be like other dads she knows. It's heartbreaking when I hear her question why can't her friends dads be her dad instead of her own dad. It hasn't affected her relationship with men as such as she's very comfortable with my dad and brother and her friends dads, what I worry about is her expectations and benchmark for men, her dad has set a very low bar and DD now just expects disappointment from him.

Anyone else?

My daughter is 12 - not sure exactly how many times she has seen her dad since we split up almost two years ago, but it would be in single figures. He is chaotic and can't be relied on for any regular contact, and she's stopped asking. I wouldn't stop her from seeing him, but I think it will naturally drop away even further over time, unless he sorts himself out completely, but this seems unlikely.

I don't know if she'd put it quite like this but I think she knows on some level that the way things are now, he's a negative influence. Like your daughter, I think she expects to be disappointed and doesn't seem at all surprised if he talks about meeting up and it doesn't happen. Thankfully she does have other positive male figures in her life too, including my now partner who is very different and a much more stable presence despite us not yet living together.