Is this a normal sibling relationship

[Notsureinlife]

Never really been close. Think it was parents who kept us together. Never talks about the positives of growing up but is quick to remind me of all i have done wrong. Nothing serious, just normal sibling childhood relationships. Live within close walking distance but she would never pop over.
If I visit her children I'm only there because I've got nothing to do. If I buy them presents it's "oh more tact". Can only see them on her terms. They are weaponised to keep us in line.Never asks about my life. Always sarkey comments about me being always out or on holiday. She never goes out and has no interest. Has withdrawn from friends and family. Is defensive if you speak to her. Constantly on egg shells around her. Tried to bring it up with her, in return she's stopped children visiting as "they are tied/busy'. She has to control everything, then complains that everything is left to her. It isn't just me who is on the receiving end, our mum, friends, her husband. My husband suggests justs walking away. Does anyone else have this kind of sibling relationship.

I'd suggest seeking out Philippa Perry's advice column in the Guardian, she often deals with sibling relationships and conflicts. She also has a very good book about family dynamics called "the Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read".

I’d find it hard to walk away because of the nieces/ nephews. It must be frustrating that you have to deal with her to see them. I’m guessing they are too young to choose. If you walk away now they won’t understand why. If you grit your teeth a bit longer they might start coming to see you without her.

They are too young to chose at the moment but growing up fast so hopefully will make their own decisions.
If we buy them something or treat them on a day out, I later see that the equivalent money has been put in my bank account without any conversation. Siblings rationale is that she doesn't want us to be out pf pocket, my thinking is that it feels like a gift has been returned.

My ex SIL is like this with her sister. Now she is an ex to my BIL, her sister sees her niece and nephew through her ex BIL (if that makes sense). She bypasses her own sister which is sad.
Of course it's not normal and really sad that she's using her children to manipulate people. I agree that you need to grit your teeth while the kids are still young and just be there for them when they're older and realise their mum is a nightmare.

What she does when you spend money on them is very strange. At least she allows them to keep the gifts and go on days out with you. But yes very strange and I’d find that a bit insulting.

Being as petty as I am I might try very hard to get all gifts in the sales, activities from Wowcher or Groupon (whatever) without telling her so that she was actually lining our pockets not just making sure we weren’t out of pocket.