I lost my mum a few weeks ago, and I’ve been struggling with a lot of guilt over how things were between us in the last few years. Our relationship had its ups and downs, especially after she didn’t get along with my ex. There was always this tension, like she was jealous or uncomfortable about how close I was with my ex, but she never really came out and said it.
There was also something else that’s been weighing heavily on me. A couple of years ago, we were at a family gathering, and we both had a bit too much to drink. At one point, she kissed me on the lips – it was quick and awkward, and we both brushed it off at the time. But after that, things felt different. She started making these weird, offhand comments about my body, even mentioning my penis a few times in a way that made me feel really uncomfortable. I never knew how to address it, and it just added to the distance between us.
Now that she’s gone, I feel like I should’ve done more to talk about it or at least try to understand what was going on with her. I feel guilty that I never confronted it, but also guilty for the tension that just seemed to grow between us. I miss her, but I can’t shake this feeling that I failed her in some way. Has anyone else been through something like this? How do you even begin to deal with this kind of guilt?