I am in a relationship of 1 year and 4 months and I have started to have enough, but it feels like this relationship has eroded my sense of normal (also, i was just out of a very volatile, EA 5 year marriage when I met him), and I think i have become a bit isolated. So can the good people of mn help me to know if these are red flags? My gut has started yelling at me and i have become quite depressed and anxious which i put down to my busy job, but now I think it is actually at least partly my partner.
He is 45, to my knowledge has never had a steady job/career... he changed career from a chef in his late 20s and then did short term mechanic style jobs, before giving up work for about 8 years seemingly when he was married to a high earner, in which time he wrote several 'novels' which are unpublished.
Now, he has only worked about 3 months out of the whole time i have known him, and otherwise seems to live off interest from some investments, and his divorce settlement. No plans for work except for another 2-3 month stint short contract where he supposedly will make enough to not have to work for several more months.
He 'moved to be with me' as we were LDR but due to airbnbs being expensive and me not being ready to move in as i have one school age dc, he set up a tent in my local camping field, and has stayed there. He wants us to live together.
Since coming here 2 months ago he has basically not given me any time to myself and is around me all the time whether on the school run, or while i am doing meetings (I wfh), he almost never is out on his own.
I paid rent on my little house upfront for a year this year and pay all bills. pay for all petrol on the car which i own (he doesnt have a car), he pays for a lot of groceries but that's it. I work FT as a consultant from home, juggling single parenting, meetings, cooking dinners, shopping for food, cleaning, planning activities. It is really starting to grate on me that he doesnt work. He will sit and watch netflix on mute while i am doing a meeting at my desk in the corner, or he will take a nap. My job cab be stressful and i get so exhausted. Some days i have meetings wiht another timezone and don't get done with the day until 11pm or later, then i have to go back to sleep the next day after the school run to compensate, and he gets a bit irritated as he is an early riser and I have to sleep 'so much' and I am often too tired for sex. But he doesn't work, at all. And i don't see it changing. I don't even think that hvaing a passive income stream is a good enough reason not to be working or pursuing a career when he is very healthy in his mid 40s. It makes me feel horrible and judgy, but I am beginning to feel like we have totally different work ethics.
He gets moody and seems to have emotional dysregulation and i wonder if this is why he doesnt work. We argue a lot, more and more, and i am even starting to get the ick. I need time to myself but if i ask for it he acts rejected. I need someone who is on the same page as me with work, but he acts like iam a golddigger if i ever mention it. Oh and he wants us to have kids!! But what, with him not working? He keeps himself in great shape and is romantic but i'm in my late 30s and i dont want or need a trophy boyfriend. I just want some equality. I feel like i spend every second either working or with him or doing chores and I am getting really depressed. but he just keeps saying he loves me and wants to prioritise our relationship over anything else.
Aibu? Sorry if this is so jumbled. Not sure what i am looking for, maybe just opinions on this situation.