So what answer was he looking for?!

[exploreandconnectbaby]

Bloke on OLD. Been chatting online for a couple of weeks. Seemed to be going okay. He said he is looking for an emotional and spiritual connection and will not be hurrying to get into bed. Today he asked me what my ideal date would be. I chose drinks and chat in a decent pub. He replied ' And, sorry to be forward, but afterwards slow caressing and kissing..?'

Now I found this a weird question, if I am honest. Its clear I am looking for normal relationship that includes sex as part of that relationship, so yes, touching and kissing is part of a normal sexual relationship, so why even ask?

So I replied to say I was not quite sure what he was asking, and yes if we met and got on, I wanted a sexual relationship, as he knew, so was he trying to move onto sexting as I only do that once I am in a sexual relationship?

And he replied to say he didn't want to sext but was just exploring to see if we have a connection but its clear we don't so goodbye!!

So Dear Reader, knock yourself out - what response was this fragile male ego looking for?

Really? I have always said bloke (Midlander, no idea if its a midlands thing as I have moved about a bit). I lived in Canada for a while in my youth and a friend misheard it as ' block' and started to go around saying things like ' he's a really good block!'.

Well l'm a Southerner (sorry 😔) and my family have always talked about blokes but Americans seem to use "guys", which some ppl then use for both sexes!

Sounds like you were exchanging messages with Russell Brand tbh. Dodged a bullet there!

Slow caressing 🤢🤢

Jesus Christ that's the unsexiest thing ever.

He sounds disgusting. And like he might have a personality disorder and control issues. Be thankful he doesn’t want to take it further.

Urgh.

Was the caressing meant to take place outside the pub afterwards? If so, the correct answer was “yes please, and a quick prod behind the bottle recycling bin”.

What I find so weird is how can this talk be sexy when you haven't even met? I mean, I once had a surprisingly hot text thing with a man I'd met at a wedding but who was in the army and had disappeared off back to Germany or something. I won't lie, there were some super hot and steamy messages. But this was AFTER we'd enjoyed a very hot and steamy evening together already and knew the attraction was very much there.

I did wonder when he said it whether he meant in the actual pub or elsewhere - back seat of his car perhaps 😂 But didn't like to ask...

Well exactly!

Jesus 🤮

'Slow caressing'? Ew.

Slow Caressing my arse😂he wanted more than that after a drink. Knob.

So you are talking about a drink and a chat in a pub? And he brings out the 'slow caressing?' What part of 'in a pub' was he not getting? If you'd said something about heading out somewhere lovely to sit and watch the sky then I could possibly understand it, but where the hell does slow caressing and kissing fit in with a G&T in the Dog and Ferret?

This sounds disturbingly like a 'friend' I had who one day text me saying he couldn't stop thinking about us kissing 'lots and lots of kissing'

My skin is actually crawling to remember how it felt to read it, and he wasn't a stranger to me like this randomer is to you!

Sounds like Alan Partridge territory.

Yes, it really does!

Can you imagine, in all seriousness, planning ahead to ‘slowly caress’ someone 😂🤢

Oh yes, “feathery strokers need not apply” - it’s such a great description of something that is definitely a massive turn-off!

The responses on here have given me a good chuckle.
Completely off putting OP. I wonder how that tried and tested line of his has been received in the past.

Ha I thought I’d check back my messages with my OH before we met in person. He asked if he was in for a ‘snog’ if the date went well 😂 Definitely no caressing!
I would say the ‘spiritual’ ones who go on about not wanting sex early are often the opposite and if they get you into bed it’ll be ‘Oh I don’t usually but I felt such a magical connection to you’ bollocks. Definitely swerve this one. Yuck.

If a man was looking to take it slow and wanted a real connection, that would be 100% what I’m looking for, and those men are few and far between, BUT- he is a confused individual to then start essentially beginning sexting before even meeting, after saying he wanted a spiritual connection, is just weird and would put me right off him. Either he was testing you to see if you were what he would consider easy, so he could ditch you before he met you (in which case you’ve dodged a bullet, as men like this will test you in various ways for the rest of your life plus you clearly aren’t on the same page regarding sex), or he genuinely is a very confused individual pretending to be deep and emotionally insightful, but just wanted to play hard to get so you’d shag him. Either way it’s no loss

I disagree that most who say this don’t actually men it, for some yes. but most who are clear they need an emotional connection before sex have to be clear on it because so many people have the expectation that if you fancy someone you’ll jump straight into shagging them, which gives people who need an emotional connection the major ick. For me personally I don’t generally need to explain that as I would only go for someone who has the same mentality as me, and if it’s revealed that they don’t, I wouldn’t pursue it. I met someone recently who despite a conversation that naturally led into how we view sex and connection, was sexting me the very evening we met, at which point we both agreed to block and delete. There’s literally no point even pursuing something with someone who has a totally different mindset on this topic. I do agree that some men may use this as bait to bed women, because it appeals to a lot of women

“Sorry, but I’d rather have a smear”.