bonniefromboot, just wanted to send ((( hugs )))
A good idea to set up a support thread for this, as I know how hard it can be.
My now ex-partner had winter depressions for a number of years before experiencing his first high in 2006, and then another last autumn following a six-month, worst-yet depression.
For the first few months of his worst-ever depression, I was really supportive, nurturing. But after a while, I became more and more impatient. I knew he couldn't help it, but he didn't seem to be doing anything about it, and that angered me. It was having repercussions on family life - he didn't want to do anything with us, complained about everything domestic from washing-up to fixing a broken fence. He managed to make the first sunny Spring day feel miserable. It was draining. And he would sleep in most mornings until almost lunch time (he didn't work for six months), no matter how difficult a night I might have had with ds, or if people came over.
My ex then went way up again, behaved like he didn't need us in his life, and like a philandering loon. Why am I half-willing to try again?! I dunno.
Anyway, I do feel for you. There is the whole for-better-or-worse thing, I realise that. But I suppose you need to be able to honour that and be self-respecting and if coping with literally years of your husband's anger and mood swings and argumentativeness is required ... well, that's a tall order.
Why has he come off the antidepressants by the way? Has he ever tried high doses of EPA (a specific type of fish oil)?