Help me find the strength positive stories please

[Cantgetausername87]

As I write this I'm outside my house waiting for my abusive husband to leave. Yesterday evening he assaulted me and took my phone. I was able to escape after he stopped me from leaving and I am waiting for the police to be in contact (non emergency as could only call them when I was out of the house)
I literally don't know how I'm going to cope financially and what I'm going to tell my 3 year old. I have had no time to process this and need to login to work (already had 3 days off last week from the last abuse from him.)
Please tell me your stories and give me advice. I know I need to leave him and I know I can't take him back. Previously low level pushing/shoving but yesterday he held me by my neck and I know that's a real indicator of fatal violence.
I just don't understand what has happened and I wouldn't dream for a second I'd be in this position. I just need the strength to be able to do what needs to be done...

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but as hard as it is at the moment, you are doing the right thing and will come out the other side better off with this abusive pos. It will escalate if you go back to him.

I don't personally have a story to tell, but many others will come along soon and give you good advice.

Can you contact Women's Aid for advice?

*without

OP, l hope he has been removed and that you are back in your home now and feeling calmer. What happened sounds shocking and very scary but you have done the right thing to involve the police.
Hopefully measures will be put in place to keep him away from the home.
I haven't experienced this kind of situation myself, but many women have sadly. l'm sure you will soon get advice from others who have been in a similar situation and please believe that you have definitely done the right thing to protect yourself and your child.

Not many people on this thread but thanks to the ones who bothered posting!
I guess it's very raw and new, police and social services have been involved, and all clear now and calm.
But now and whays different is its out in the open which is what needed to happen so i cant take him back. Social services have said they would be involved if we ever got back together for example.
He's moved out and I'm at home with the kiddies. Had to apply for UC today and I'm just hoping I can make the bills next month (may need to borrow money) and I know I need to let the dust settle.
Keep getting waves of panic about it all and really not sure how I can keep it together for the kiddies. Does it get better? Will it get worse as reality hits?

For me, it wasn’t straightforward. He left, but kept coming back. When I changed the locks he broke in. I had to get the police to come and remove him a few times. Ultimately I ended up with a restraining order and he’s now got a fair few domestic abuse related convictions. I still have nightmares years later. You’ll have times where you soften and wonder if you’ve done the right thing - don’t question yourself. Contact the police any time he shows up. It won’t ever get better.
You’ve done the hardest bit!

Thanks @KitKatChonky that sounds horrendous it really does! I keep flip flopping between what have I done, and finally realising and accepting it for what it was. Strange how our brains work, but I guess it's because we're decent people.
Any tips for financially coping? Are you happy now? X

I think you can apply for an advance from UC if you can't afford your bills.

Well done for making the break.

I know many women who have left unhappy relationships, some abusive, most mental but one physical. These next two weeks are going to be utterly awful please prepare yourself. In a years time you will be so happy and wonder why you put up with it for so long (I know it because of the cycle). My emotionally abused friend (with two primary aged DC) just put a post on Facebook of her new partner and titled it - I never thought I’d ever get to be myself but I’m nobody but that with you- spoke volumes to me as I remember her sobbing into my arms over her arsehole partner. I’m not by any means suggesting go running to another guy but I promise it will definitely get so so much better. Today is the first day of your new, better exciting life. On your terms. Money is money. I’d rather be in a small house and content than in a mansion being shoved around. So would your kids. Good luck you’ll be okay x

Yes - I actually ended up financially better off within a few months, he’d drained me in more ways than I’d realised. You will be ok. I’d stay single for a while, but you will be happy!

It does get easier. It's fucking hard and it's not linear, but eventually the grief does start to fade.

My advice would be to get as much support lined up as possible. Women's Aid, the Freedom programme, counselling, your GP. There are so many services and agencies who can help you, both with the practical steps of leaving and the emotional side of processing what's happened to you. Take all the help you can get.

Thank you everyone! It's been a bit of a roller coaster with one minute feeling proud and like superwoman and the next stopping myself calling him to come back because it's all feels too hard!
I'm going one day at a time, trying to control the panic over finances and not allow him to control me with that. I have friends and family who will help me cover the nursery bill and rent - I know they because they said they will do ANYTHING not to put me in a position where I go back.
Because its out in the open there are no doors open for him to come back

Well done OP. Hang in there.

I know what you mean about the rollercoaster, I think that's normal. Just take it one minute/hour/day at a time.

I've found it helpful to write a list of all the horrible things he said and did to me to look back at when I'm feeling weak.

Don't doubt yourself
Don't feel sorry for him
Don't fantasise about how things could be different if you gave him one more chance.
Practically,
See if your bank have a financial control support team (if relevant to your situation)-I was able to borrow 2 month's rent on a big overdraft to help me get out
UC will let you have an advance payment to help you
Have a notebook to jot things down
Nearly two years later, i still flick through mine, and remember how I survived single handedly with my children

You can also get social tariffs as you're on UC. I pay a set monthly amount for water (United Utilities £22) and phone + broadband+ landline (BT £22). You will also get the single person Council Tax discount (25%), and if you claim PIP you may be able to have a further reduction.

Wow thanks everyone! It's interesting to see what's out there support wise - never been in this situation before.
But no he's not coming back - I won't have him!