How do I approach my lazy partner?

[mamaxbear]

We have been together for 5ish years now, engaged with a child. I love the bones of him and he’s a great dad/partner, he works hard and I never dispute this. However, at home he is LAZY. He very rarely cleans, only if I ask him to. He will wash dishes daily, he also cooks and the most he will do is sweep the kitchen/wipe the sides after cooking but this really is all he does on the cleaning front. Don’t get me wrong he’s great at DIY and doing the jobs I don’t want to do but I have to nag and nag and nag and it just ends up in me feeling frustrated and then an argument! I asked if he would give the bathroom a clean over a week ago - it’s still not been done. I asked if he would bring the garden furniture in now the weather is getting rubbish - it’s still outside. I asked if he would section some meat in the fridge and put it in the freezer last night - it’s not been done so I’ve had to do it. How do I approach telling him he’s pissing me off without being confrontational? I just want him to do things off his own back - I’m not his mother!!!

They do not change so it's up to you to decide whether this is a dealbreaker for you.

How would he live if he lived alone? If the answer is “pigsty” then he probably thinks that cleaning the bathroom is unnecessary and it’s just a whim of yours, and the other chores you want him to take on are invisible to him. You need to change the conversation to one where you acknowledge that your standards are different but that if he want you to be happy living with him then he’s going to have to meet you in the middle.

Unpopular statement here but if your part time and he's full time and he's doing the jobs u say he's doing then quite frankly you look like the lazy one? If you was full time absolutely he would need to pull his weight more but the truth is you are at home a lot more than him so you have more time to keep a tidy house. It's not as if he's doing nothing, that wouldn't be okay. I think you need to stop having ridiculous expectations.

In all honesty he doesnt sound very lazy to me. Iv seen and heard of alot worse. You say he cooks, cleans up after himself, does the dishes, all the DIY, is a good dad so probably does his equal share there, and works full time? Sounds very similar to me and DH and I accept that the rest of the housework falls to me. I think your biggest issue is being a control freak and asking that his expectations be the same as yours. Doesnt work like that. People feel differently about how urgent some jobs are and for him im sure he prioritises what he feels is more important. If I want the bathroom cleaning I just clean the bathroom.

I think some people are being very harsh and your hubby - he is doing the cooking and does all diy so not lazy and is contributing! Also the part-time person does naturally end up doing a bit more (I have been there, I juggled childcare with chores too).

For complete harmony, I’d say invest in a cleaner if it can be afforded or as others have suggested get a list of chores and who is doing what/when so it can be completely fair.

Definitely get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week and then you know the big cleaning jobs of bathrooms, kitchen sides/floor, hoovering the stairs etc are all being done.

Then divide up other jobs together so you feel it takes up equal time.
For example if he does the cooking and washing up you could do all the laundry and ironing.
You can do the food shop and general tidying up while home with your child.

You can have similar but equal areas, so if he does the bins, you change the beds.
If he does DIY, you do buying and rotating kids clothes.

If the garden is his job then let him do it without nagging. Or, if you really feel the garden furniture should come in and he doesn't, just do it yourself.

Work out if you both have equal amounts of free time to yourselves outside of work, chores and childcare.

My ex was pretty lazy like this and it just wore me down so much. I hated, hated to be thought of as a nag and have confrontation so it just fell to me to do what he couldn't be bothered doing. It was the root of the whole relationship failure tbh, it's just not attractive to have a man do absolutely no daily chores.

He lives on his own now, I know he keeps the place tidy but I'm sure it's been a while since the bathroom was properly cleaned and the sheets changed 🤢