I'm so scared but I think it's the end

[Greenyellowredpeppers]

We've been together for 14 years and have 2 dc.
I work and he is a SAHD. This is a recent change in the past few years after he was made redundant then I was allowed to go to work.
I don't think we work any more and are just together for the children. We get competitive, snappy, resentful and it's not healthy. We're not on the same page, don't want the same things in life and it's apparent there's no compromise. We don't compliment each other or say nice things.
I want to travel, buy a house, get married, move to a better area and he makes me feel like I'm living in a dream world, it's unrealistic and I'm going to fail. A mortgage is a lifetime of debt, travelling is for the rich, getting married is a piece of paper..
I was knocked back for a promotion at work and he said not to put myself out there again and I didn't listen, went for it, put my all in and got it. I didn't even get a congratulations. I got moaned at then the silent treatment because I took on more responsibility.
I'm scared and I feel trapped. When I've spoke about leaving he said I can go but I'm not having the kids or house. We're on a joint tenancy so neither has more rights.
My mum left my dad when I was young and neither had another relationship. My parents don't have a good relationship. I'm scared my children will resent me for breaking up their family home. I'm scared I'll have to leave my home and children and won't be able to build the same for them.
I met someone else and it would never progress in to a relationship or anything but those feelings and urges are there and I know in my heart my relationship is over. There was a point where I couldn't look in another man's direction, wanted to get married but if he asked me to marry him now, I couldn't do it.
I want us to get along. We're both good people and he's a good dad but we pull each other back.
Please help, I don't know what to do! When I try and talk about things he doesn't communicate, shuts me down, calls me controlling, then goes quiet, I end up getting emotional and then we don't talk for days. I've had enough of going in circles.

Nobody that loves you would want this for you. Life is so short, the kids won't benefit from you waiting, and anyone that "allows' you to work while he sits at home and does I'm not sure what but moan all day, you can do without.

Try not to let the fear win, you're clearly switched on and driven so focus that on what you need to do to get yourself independent of him and set up a home where you're happy and fulfilled, not being dragged backwards by someone who is supposed to be a life partner. You will fly without him.

Wow you haven't really had any adult life before having children. My oldest DD is 33 and is starting over again with a 6 year old. It has been difficult and she has had a few wobbles. Even though her ex was and is a complete nightmare she still had the what ifs.
She said 4 of my best years wasted. I said the rest of your life to be happy 😊.
She is moving back nearer to family (yey) still keeping same job, renting until the house sells and going on a fabulous holiday next week for a fortnight with her DD.
That could be you, you sound such a lovely person you deserve your best life.💕

@Greenyellowredpeppers I'm feeling the same tonight. I'm fed up of always being the dozer everything from managing finances to getting kids to bed falls to me because 'he works'. I've kept a diary and I've felt like this for a very long time but I'm too scared to go it alone..

He sounds depressed. And given up hope of working and lost confidence to try. Would he go to the GP?