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Original poster

Hubbys business trips are like a lads holiday

33 replies

rosesarered79 · 30/09/2024 14:41

I’m feeling really fed up and frustrated at the moment with my husbands business trips. He goes away at least twice a month which I understand he does for his job this isn’t the problem. The problem is when he’s away the evenings are like a lads holiday he goes out every night he’s away and drinks so much. He parties until the early hours. He then gets home complaining he’s tired and just wants to rest . Meanwhile i’m left looking after the kids and the house whilst working. Am I being unreasonable in feeling resentful. If i try and approach it he just accuses me of nagging and says he doesn’t want to go on these trips and he just has to get in with it whilst he’s there!

OP posts:
outdooryone · 04/10/2024 15:47

Going away for work sucks for both sides of a couple (and family).

Going away and getting so tired/drunk that it impacts family life when you get home is just not on.

I am away about 25 nights a year for work. In the 11+ years I have done that I have not been drunk once. You can say no, even when others are drinking.

Teacherprebaby · 04/10/2024 15:49

sorrythetruthhurts · 04/10/2024 15:16

You do realise this is why most London professionals think a cocaine habit is normal and everyone does it.

Show quote history

'Most London professionals' 🤣 erm no.

MumChp · 04/10/2024 15:52

Ask him to step up.
He has no excuse for drinking less and care about family life.

WoolySnail · 04/10/2024 16:18

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 04/10/2024 13:10

He's leaving you twice a month with children at home, which sounds unavoidable, but someone who cares about your wellbeing would want to make up for that when he got home. My guy is self employed and at worst, he's away from like 6am to 8pm. If and when that happens, he is utterly apologetic, and even though he is knackered, he will deal with the kids if they're still awake. Because he knows I've likely been pulling my hair out all day. Similarly, when I was out at uni, I'd come home and sort food out for everyone, then attack the bedtime routine myself. IME, a relationship with children really only works if both parents understand the specifically exhausting, mentally draining reality of solo parenting for hours at a time.

I sat in very heavy academic seminars that would totally drain me, but I still knew I was in better shape than my guy, who had listened to eleventy billion facts about Pokémon interspersed with twice-hourly arguments about underpants and whose actions figure is the best. So I came home and had his back because I know I can rely on the same when the roles are reversed.

You have both found keepers. Cherish each other ❤️❤️❤️

SER80 · 04/10/2024 16:44

outdooryone · 04/10/2024 15:47

Going away for work sucks for both sides of a couple (and family).

Going away and getting so tired/drunk that it impacts family life when you get home is just not on.

I am away about 25 nights a year for work. In the 11+ years I have done that I have not been drunk once. You can say no, even when others are drinking.

THIS! I've worked in insurance for 20 years and never got drunk on trip. In fact, my colleagues thought I was teetotal (which I'm not), due to not getting blind drunk.

Emmz1510 · 04/10/2024 17:26

This level of socialising/drinking is not on if it’s affecting his ability to be an active and present parent when he gets back. Also is all this drinking on the company? Because I’d also be pissed off with what all this socialising was costing if not, if it’s every night he’s out for two trips a month!

Welshmonster · 04/10/2024 18:05

Work can’t expect him to be drinking with clients as they have a duty of care towards health and safety. He can alternate with soft drinks. many people work and have business trips and don’t drink for various reasons. They still manage to do the job. And employers would be discriminating if they didn’t promote or employ people who don’t drink.

he needs to accept that he is not as young as he used to be.
when do you get to go out and have days off as tired.

parenting is 24/7.

he can have 50/50 custody if he likes and then see what it’s really like.

if he can’t give up the alcohol while away then is it part of a larger problem.

Findinganewme · 04/10/2024 20:51

My husband travels internationally for work too. He has recently returned from 10 days in the states. He gets to go to the toilet in peace, without kids shouting or screaming him out. He doesn’t have to cook, clean or do any homework with the kids. He gets to relax and go to restaurants in the evening. It’s part of the job, he chose. He uses his income for the family, however.

I say it depends how long he is spending in recovery when he’s back. My husband sleeps as much as he would need in one night, then he’s back into family life. If he was slacking off in excess, I’d very much argue that I am tired in his absence too, without any relief from childcare or domestic life.

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