Hi all I posted a couple of weeks ago about how my mum was staying with us while her new house was being built and how difficult our relationship is. My mum has, I am sure, a personality disorder and has always been very controlling and highly critical. We have come to blows over this many times and I have tried to instill boundaries while she is with us but she sees them as a personal attack on her. Any time I try to discuss our issues she throws back all the childcare and help she has given us, I have always thanks her for this but the fact remains that the issue is her emotional immaturity and her critical and controlling nature.
We have been trying to be a nice as possible and tiptoe around her and she has seemed a little better over the last week or so, promised she would get therapy although I know this is likely a lie as she has said this many times over the years. I have already decided minimal contact when she is gone and to just grit my teeth for the next two weeks until that time.
Anyway fast forward to today and she left her phone at home and my teenage daughter who has also been on the receiving end of her wrath opened up a message from her friend. The messages were all about how awful we all are, how she hates me, my brother and now my daughter and wishes she had never had children. They contain downright lies about her time with us and also about things like she has paid for our holidays etc and we just “see her as a cashcow” which is just an absolute lie!! She is painting herself to be the victim and us to all be awful people despite the never ending support i have given her over the last 25 years. My entire adult life has been supporting her from one perceived crisis to the next.
my brother refused to have her in his home so we have had her for months and I would not take a penny off her for utilities, food etc as I wanted her to be comfortable and enjoy being with us, despite her past behaviours I did not think she would behave like this.
she has also sent messages to my Uncle who says he will inform my cousins of what a terrible person I am and how badly I have treated her 🙄 this breaks my heart as I havel always put her needs first and supported her and tried to help when she has yet another crisis! To think she sends these messaged while sitting in my home with me cooking her meals 🥺
I know my daughter should not have opened her messages but she has and I now know what she truly feels about us. None of what she has said is a shock as she will always be the victim and I suspected she would start a smear campaign against me as she is losing her control over me and her living with us has taken the blinkers from my eyes. I know see that the nice side of her is the mask and she is a narcissist. She will not accept any criticism pf herself and I am done with her- I truly feel she is unhinged.
I dont feel I can let her know what we have seen but I also kind of want her to know that her behaviour has resulted in this.
I know I am a good person and have done everything I can to help. I am bow in therapy but need advise on what to do regardIng my daughter opening her messages. I asked her what prompted it and she said because she hears the awful things my mum says when on the phone to others she wanted to see if there was evidence in writing.