Met someone way too soon after separation

[Phubs]

I chose to separate from my husband two months ago, and moved out one month ago. It was an odd marriage, he was two decades older than me for one, and we lived like room mates with no physical intimacy etc. I was excited to date, be with men my own age again, have fun and enjoy my fresh start. I went on the apps and met someone quite quickly. The conversation flowed and I was attracted to him, we met up once and then twice and then three times etc, once I moved into my house he started coming to stay when the kids are with their dad. He now stays here 2/3 nights a week. We really get on, want the same things etc, we've spoken about the sort of future we want, and I feel like there is really something there. It's just so soon. I wouldn't commit to anything serious, or even think about marriage again, I'm not even divorced yet, or consider more kids anywhere remotely soon but I still just worry it's so soon to have actually met someone that I am developing real feelings for, and as much as we aren't putting a label on things, when we spend time together it definitely feels like a relationship. I'm not entirely sure what to do, if I can allow myself to continue down this path? I have relationship hopped my entire life, and have spent a decade in a marriage that was a total sham and I don't want to sleepwalk into another life with another man but also would hate to end it if he could actually be the one?

If he is the one, then he will want the best for you, and will understand if you need to slow things down.
I think marriages are quite often over in both people's minds long before someone actually verbalised it, so without more information it's hard to judge whether this is just slightly foolish timing wise or a big mistake. Tell us more about your relationship hopping - what type of partners have you been going for, what mistakes have you made etc - it's so easy for people to fall into the same old patterns just with new faces on, as well as not being able to recognise bad behaviour.

I would be careful of this. Men who move this fast are often love bombing and love bombing is part of the cycle of abuse. They do it to lock women in and then they start the slow creeping abusive behaviour bit by bit.

I would slow things down and tell him that staying 2/3 nights a week is a little too much so soon. You need to develop a social life outwith seeing him too after your marriage ending. That’s healthy.

If he has a problem with this or agrees but then pushes your boundaries, those are red flags.

Also, do you really want to go from a marriage straight into another serious relationship or do you want to enjoy some single freedom for a while first? Go on dates with by all means but once a week and maybe only stay over now and then.

I had a similar experience except in my case it was a year after separation and with a woman (I'm gay). I really liked her and she was super keen, but I said I wanted to go slow as it was all very new for me still and I didn't want to rush things, especially regarding my DD(5). She made the right noises but was constantly pressuring for more time together, to meet DD, etc., until after a couple of months I had to say I couldn't commit what she wanted. She was very upset but I felt like if I turned my back she'd have moved into my house and started planning the wedding. That's not what I wanted.

Honestly, no! I think it would be good to be single and that was my plan for a couple of years. I only wanted casual. But the issue is now I've met him, and am enjoying it as much as I am, and can feel myself getting feelings for him it's hard to end it to be single.

Be careful OP, It's easy to get swept along with the excitement of a new relationship after a marriage where you were more like roomates. It's very early days and l would just say proceed with caution.
At present you are in the honeymoon period and you need to establish that he is compatible with you in every day life as these are the things that really matter. Perhaps consider dialling it down a bit, him already staying over 2/3 times a week sounds a lot after only 2 months.

Currently, you don’t need to end it. You just need to dial it back a bit. No more staying over 2/3 nights a week. Go on dates with him. Get to know him without it being so full on. Enjoy it by all means but just be mindful that if he’s pushing for things to move faster than you’re comfortable with or pushing your boundaries, those are red flags and you need to be very careful. It’s early days. He could be love bombing you. Take it slow. If he’s a good guy he will respect your boundaries. You don’t really know him at all and he’s staying in your house 2/3 days a week. Think about that.

Following with interest, OP

I'm in exactly the same situation. Left a marriage of ten years (was married to someone 22 years my senior). Within weeks I met someone very special on a dating app. I wasn't necessarily looking for serious. Now it feels serious already. He was the one and only date from the app - or from 'real life' for that matter - that I went on.

In my own case, part of the issue is that I did feel quite lonely (and often single) even when married, so I don't truly feel as though I've bounced out of one serious, heavy relationship and into another.

I'm trying to Proceed With Caution ⚠️ as I assume you must be.

Being single so overrated. Mostly likely you will spend the free time dating a series of unsuitable guys when you have one you like already. Jsot stake it slow. Date and nothing more.