Is this wrong?

[BettyByron]

Hello, I am 40 and divorced. Been in a long distance relationship for a few years. See each other each fortnight, both have kids, mainly happy but no plans to move in.

Quite unexpectedly I met someone new, at a friend’s party. It was an instant click and since then we’ve made friends. He isn’t looking for a relationship and I am attached. It isn’t at all flirty, but we do really understand each other, and have lots in common. It’s a nice thing and made me feel very at peace and calm. A lucky thing that hardly ever happens.

Is it wrong for me to pursue it, as a friendship? Would anyone help me work this out.

We are both neurodivergent and I can’t quite tell about these things.

Does your new partner know about this friend?

I think making friends is fine at any stage of life - if you ever find yourself hiding things / being dishonest with your partner about the friendship, that's crossing a line. If you find yourself seeking comfort / reassurance etc from your friend instead of your partner, that might be a problem.

However if you're just two people with some things in common who get along, there's no problem in my eyes.

Well that’s the thing, he knew I’d made the friend but when we met up it was just so easy, I got on with him so well, I felt kind of ashamed and didn’t tell my partner.

Hmm, doesn't sound like purely a friendship to me. I think it'd be wrong to pursue it without breaking up with your DP first. You clearly have deeper feelings whether there was flirtation or he's said he's not looking for a relationship (how has that even come up?), and it's not really fair to string the other guy along while you explore this potential. So either stick with the DP if you want to, or don't, but don't kid yourself that there isn't more to this. You wouldn't be asking the question or feeling ashamed about hiding from DP if he was just a friend.

Well, I never make new friends like that so I’m not sure. He just said it straightforwardly as we
were talking about our lives. We are both blunt like that. I don’t think he would have been capable of saying it as a lie or to be subtle.

I do see what you mean. I will try and tell my partner. I wouldn’t kiss new friend or anything like that, I don’t feel like that.

That sounds lovely, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. Enjoy your new friendship.

Oh, thanks @KittyEmK

I agree with @KittyEmK . I don’t think you need to tell your DP how you feel about your new friend so long as your feelings are platonic. If that changes and your feelings become stronger you should tell DP or end the friendship. Don’t think about that unless it happens. Just enjoy your new friendship, they don’t come along very often.