do I sound 'reserved'

[Hisaronu1234]

A friend referred to me as being the ‘reserved’ one of our friendship group the other day, kinda shocked/hurt me as to me reserved is ‘shy’ ‘unsociable’, ‘hard work’, and I honestly don’t feel I’m any of those things, people often refer to me as having a very dry sense of humour that they love ( so im told), I often feel I provide top quality banter when we all meet in person , and share appropriately funny memes/tik toks in our WhatsApp groups in order to perk every ones day up a bit, I am also not shy and will talk to anyone about anything even if its no particular interest to me and will also go out my way to talk to anyone from outside the main friendship circle who has joined us for nights out/ hen dos etc and I am definitely a ‘more the merrier’ kind of person and have no qualms when people say ‘could I invite my ‘sister/friend/colleague’ ETC to our get togethers.
I’m also incredibly easy going (possibly a bit of a people pleaser), don’t really dictate much in plans and just happy to go with the flow.
But I appreciate also I can probably come across as a bit quiet as I’m not very confident in dancing and that kind of thing(unless its very group orientated and I’m tipsy) ,(I much prefer observing and having a chat with someone whilst having a few gins, but I suppose as well I don’t show a great deal of emotion about things, I’m quite private with relationships, and when I grieve for lost loved ones I tend to do that privately as well, I just don’t really like to bother people with my issues and if I do I do it on a more individual basis, i.e. chat with one person at a time privately, instead of dominating the whole conversation on me when we are all together.

Would you say I sound ‘reserved’ and if I am, is it a bad thing, does it make me boring/hard work/ miserable?

to me reserved is ‘shy’ ‘unsociable’, ‘hard work’,

I’d describe myself as reserved and Im absolutely none of those things

I think you may be misunderstanding the word "reserved". I'd consider someone to be reserved if they are a reticent with personal information which, it sounds like you are. My BFF is the life and soul of the party, friendly, outgoing, a great friend, reliable, supportive etc She can and does spend hours dissecting everything from politics to challenges I'm having as a parent.... but she is very reserved. We've been friends for 30 years and there are so many things I just still don't know about her. When her mum died, I only found out because I was checking in with her regularly. She is extraordinarily uncomfortable opening up about the personal and always has been.

Reserved means slow to reveal information / not as open with personal stuff. Nothing to do with hard work, boring, dry.

I think of someone reserved as being quite private and preferring not to share too many details of their private life/thoughts/feelings.

The fact that you're quite private with relationships indicates to me that you may be a little reserved.

I definitely don't see it as a criticism. I know some very charming people who can be reserved.

Your issue is your own interpretation of the word reserved.

Its not any of the things you take it to mean

It's not a negative or insult, and just because one person has described you as it, doesn't mean you are.
I'm reserved, I don't share all the details of everything with people, but I also am confident and friendly. Don't be offended.

Reserved to me means private, which you've described yourself as.

I'm more worried you are the type to provide "top quality banter" 😂

You said you prefer to deal with emotions in private, keep relationships private, prefer observing and having a chat etc. That sounds more reserved!

I think being described as " reserved" makes you a really interesting person with a lot of depth. Perhaps a little harder to get to know than shallower people who put all their personality on show at first meeting but definitely with more character.

Exactly this.

Yes, the type of person who provides 'top quality banter' sounds like one of those annoyingly laddish presenters on the football programmes on FiveLive where a bell rings everytime someone produces 'bantz' of sufficient quality. And I would immediately leave a group where anyone was posting Tiktoks and memes to 'perk people up'.

Embrace your reserve, OP. It's way more attractive than spamming WhatsApp with memes.

Reserved is generally a compliment.

Me too.

OP you have misunderstood. There's nothing wrong in being reserved, it's actually quite a comfortable trait.

However, don't be a people pleaser.

I think of someone who is reserved as someone who is more considered than others in their approach to communication. They tend to keep their private life private, rather than oversharing or blurting everything out to anyone and everyone. Based on this, I would say you do sound somewhat reserved. But I wouldn't take it as an insult. It's not a bad thing and does not mean you are boring/hard work/miserable.

As someone who has been described as quiet, reserved, etc., I wish people would think before sharing these thoughts. It’s a kick in the teeth when you realise others see you this way and it’s not how you see yourself. It’s often accompanied by a sense that they see me as rather delicate/easily shocked, another rather unflattering characteristic and not how I view myself at all.

However, I note that you haven’t been described as quiet, only reserved - which as others say, can relate just to being private.

I agree with previous posters that you've misinterpreted "reserved".

I'd see reserved as maybe you take a while to warm to people, don't instantly tell the world your life story. That you're quite a private person, people don't instantly know your emotional state, which I'd say tracks from what you've said about yourself.

I know quite a few outgoing people who I'd also describe as quite reserved.

You sound exactly like me! Sociable, humorous, the more the merrier type of person, shy when it comes to things like dancing, keep my deep emotions (like grief) to myself. I'm also very easy going and a bit of a people pleaser.
However, I do see myself as reserved! And I don't see anything wrong with it. I suppose I'm a bit quiet and I've noticed I'm not as gregarious as many other people - for example, when it comes to things like dancing or singing, I most definitely feel self conscious and hold back.
So maybe you are slightly reserved in some ways but why is that a bad thing? The way you defined the term "reserved" is not how I would define it. I don't see reserved people as unsociable or hard work.

It is not an insult OP.

I've always taken 'reserved' to mean the opposite of 'insufferable gobshite'.