How to beat cope with anxious Mum with possible LD?

[HazelPlayer]

The older I've gotten, the more I've suspected my Mum has learning difficulties (some of her siblings do/did). She is also an intensely anxious & stressy character. Being widowed has made her even worse as she's stressing about doing things she didn't previously have to do.

She also talks incessantly.

Almost every time I meet with her, I end up snapping at her, losing my temper etc. Even though I try to coach myself not to do it.

My siblings say they also do this.

I've suggested she gets counselling to help with anxiety and she totally dismissed it.

Due to distance and circumstances, it's usually for 24 hours at least, when we meet and I can't really change that.

Any tips on how to deal with this and stop snapping at her/cracking with her?
She's elderly now and i feel it's even worse for me to snap at her.

Sorry, that was a type - it should have been "how to best cope with ...".

Wow OP she’s your mum. Stop being a mean girl and learn a little patience.
If she has LD have you tried speaking to social services to try and get her some support.

If she has LD have you tried speaking to social services to try and get her some support.

She would be offended by the suggestion and would be extremely dismissive, as she is about counselling.

Stop being a mean girl and learn a little patience.

All three of my siblings must be "mean girls" too.

I specified their similar experiences & reactions above.

I'm laughing to myself at the idea of how long you would last in her company, since most strangers I've seen start looking for an escape rather quickly.

But I'm sure you're better than everyone else and very very special.

Maybe get back on Aibu where you can insult people and enjoy yourself talking down to people at will.

This is "Relationships".

When you visit can you plan in little breaks? Maybe say you need to pop to a nearby shop or have a work call or say you ate trying to get fit and so you need to go for a walk round the block. A few minutes peace can help your tolerance a bit. Maybe you and your sisters could help each other out by calling when one of you is visiting. If sister A talks on the phone for 20 mins, sister B can have a few minutes silence!

Does your mum go out much? Would she let you take her out somewhere? A walk, wander round the shops, cinema etc. A change of scenery might at least change the topic of conversation a bit.

I get where the OP is coming from. I have similar sometimes with family members. You try so hard but all your buttons are being pushed and eventually it's too much. The OP is trying to improve things but also it's understandable to find it hard at times. Insults aren't very helpful.

I do find it easier when I get breaks, though I can see her looking askance at me when I propose doing stuff on my own (or separately with my LO). Probably because it's only 24 hours and she's wondering why I'm choosing to spend time separately and leave her on her own.

Thanks for the suggestion though, I appreciate it.

Does your mum go out much? Would she let you take her out somewhere? A walk, wander round the shops, cinema etc. A change of scenery might at least change the topic of conversation a bit.

We do go on walks and round shops.

Unfortunately she can drive people demented on those too. Generally complaining a lot.

Cinema is a good suggestion, there's not much she would go and see, but I probably should check the listings more often to see if anything would suit her.

My mum can be really trying, She doesn't have LD but she can be very negative and my sister who lives close by struggles not to snap at her I see her less often as I live 6 hours a way but she tries my patience. When I visit I try to take her out although her mobility isn't great. We go out for lunch at the local garden centre or go out to a local coffee shop. If stuck in the house I pop out to buy a paper or drive to the garage for petrol to give myself a break. She enjoys looking through the family albums and this seems to distract her for a while.