Missed out of wedding speech

[Elzibells]

My older brother got married this summer. We have no other siblings and have always been close. He paid tribute to his wife, their daughter, our parents, his wife's brother and two of his close friends in his wedding speech but there was no mention of me. I was hurt by it at the time and he came to me afterwards and apologised. He told me the speech had been too long and he hadn't wanted to make it any longer. I reassured him and laughed it off because I didn't want it to be on his mind for the rest of his wedding day. We haven't talked about it since but I'm struggling to let it go. He talked about all the people that mean the most to him and left me off the list. I don't feel I can bring it up now that a few months have passed but it's eating away at me and making me question whether he even likes me. Am I being over sensitive? Any advice for moving on?

This.

People get weird doing wedding speeches, they lose track of things. My dh barely thanked me in his speech at OUR wedding, went on and on about how much his family meant to him and I’m standing there thinking umm what about the person you just married. It was years ago and he would deny it because he wouldn’t remember and he did say and my beautiful wife at the end but that was a total tack on to all the stuff about his family.

I agree, it is really hurtful and still not clear why you got left out. The speech being too long is no excuse; how long does it take to say 'Thanks for my wonderful sister Ann'. But your relationship is good enough for you to tell him you're hurt and he's said sorry. There's nothing more to be done now except be glad to have a brother you're fond of and stick around in his life.

Okay then yes I would be very hurt by that. It wouldn't have taken more than another 30 seconds to include you in it, and to include friends over you also seems harsh.

I'd leave him out of the next thing I was arranging, but then I'm petty like that.

People are giving the brother far too much credit here.
He didn’t forget to mention the OP, he deliberately chose not to mention her, and then made a point of telling her that she’d deliberately been excluded.
It would have been an extra five seconds in his speech.
I’m not sure it’s worth mentioning to him because she won’t get the truth, and truth often hurts, but let’s not pretend that this was an oversight when the exclusion was planned.

Certainly sounds like it. To add: for people who aren't used to public speaking, it's really easy to misjudge how long it will take to deliver a pre-written manuscript in direct speech. I've seen enough conference presenters get flustered, panic and cut out crucial parts of their presentation because they dawdled too much in the beginning. Only way to avoid this is to chop the whole thing up in segments of say 5min and time each of them separately.

I totally get being hurt, I would be too. If you think this is indicative of you drifting apart and you would like to change that, take positive action to do things together and rebuild the relationship. Fight negativity with positive action!

OK that does change things rather substantially... not good!

You are absolutely justified to feel a bit put out if you had to point out to him that you weren’t mentioned forcing the apology

If, however, after the event he had an “eeek- I forgot you didn’t I?- I’m so sorry moment” I think that shows self awareness and that it was a genuine mistake.
Either way, I think you’ll just have to let it go but your feelings are valid 🥺

I'd be asking myself why exactly it was bothering me so much in your shoes. You say you're close, so why is it niggling?

He apologised at his own initiative so you have to let it go. Speeches ate complicated and he realised in the moment he messed up.

This!!

This happened to my SIL at my BIL’s wedding (so her brothers wedding) and it was awful. He mentioned all his other siblings except for her. I was only with my now husband about a year then but even I cottoned onto how obvious it was and why she burst into tears. Just nasty if you ask me. I don’t know why on your wedding day, the supposed happiest day of your life, you go out of your way to hurt people??

My Dad forgot to mention me 😭

Most of the speech was about DM, and friends...... I suspect she wrote it for him 😡

Still salty 35 on.

It was too long so he didn’t mention you??
What bs…..how long could it possibly have taken to say, thanks to my sister, x, love you or something like that….5 extra seconds

As everyone said you do have to let it go, perhaps he was appeasing his wife in some way, only mentioning her family and your parents.
People can be very odd ( and I mean the wife) don’t take it to heart any more.

you've already said she is cool, it is her loss.
Shes clearly not that nice., but you are

I read it as if she was in the speech but he cut her out to keep it short.
It say he let you out cause he thought you'd know and he thought it was ok.

Speeches are a matter of form though aren't they, thanking people even if you don't give two hoots about them. It's a shame he didn't think to include you, but you know how he feels about you and its time to let it go.

@Thebellofstclements He didn't 'mess up' one part of the day. Preceding the wedding day, in the months he had to write his speech HE CHOSE to leave his sibling out. He CHOSE to include his BIL, he CHOSE to 'shorten his speech by a few seconds by leaving his only sibling out.

A hasty sorry I left you out to make it shorter'. Is not even an apology, let alone a good one.

stop being utterly ridiculous, adults can give meaningful apologies without beating their chests & breaking down.

He has really hurt her, the very least he can do is give a heart felt apology acknowledging that.

perhaps he was appeasing his wife in some way, only mentioning her family and your parents.

It certainly sounds like he was appeasing his wife. And the reason for doing so looks as though it's because his wife dislikes the OP.

Either because she dislikes the OP as a person, or is jealous because the siblings are close.

Neither bodes well for the future.

That is really painfull OP.
Either he thinks you will forgive him anything in this world, because you are so close, and he takes you for granted, which is bad enough.
Or you are further down the line in priorities than the brother in law and friends....
Naming you will take 5-10 seconds. That is it.
I do not agree with others putting it on the bride.
It is all on him and only him.
Have your parents commented on it? If you were my children I would, once he is back from honeymoon.

Has he changed the relationship with you in any way? If not, I would let it go.
If yes, take the reins here. Call him out on his changes. Do not allow him to put you aside in the same way again.

I agree.

He was appeasing his wife.

Although it was conscious and deliberate action by your DB - I see him actively coming to you to apologise as something to salvage even though it was disingenuous.

Your DB has moved on.

Dont fall into the spiteful trap set by your 'cool' SIL.

She wants you to react - so she can paint you as unreasonable and irrational and do damage to your relatiobship with your DB.

Remain dignified. Tend to your hurt.

Dont bring it up with your DB - it will achieve nothing.

Either step back and regroup or kill her / them with kindness and warmth - that will not be what she was expecting but what your DB may be grateful for.