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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is our relationship in trouble?

1 reply

Gingercat0 · 29/09/2024 20:21

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I don’t know whether to worry or not.

been with DH 10 years; we have a two year old. In the beginning stages we had a very active sex life, and then when we moved in together he got lazier with initiating so I always did. I had a high sex drive and we would argue over him not initiating but I still did anyway.

I got pregnant, he didn’t want to have sex with me during pregnancy as he found the idea strange. Fine.
Since our child has been born, my sex drive has dropped massively due to a long recovery from birth (6 months), exhaustion from a baby with colic and who barely slept, then working full time, a toddler who is hard work and DH works shifts so a lot of the daily grind falls to me.

he is complaining that I don’t initiate as much anymore, and that’s true.
but he doesn’t either and I’m fed up of being the one to do it. I want to feel desired too. I have communicated this several times but It doesn’t change, the last time we had sex was because I initiated and it was over two weeks ago. We are having sex maybe once or twice a month, only because of me.

hes not cheating on me, but i cant help wondering if that could come, as hes not happy with the amount we are intimate but he also never initiates. So I feel an added pressure on me. And I don’t want it all on me.

otherwise, we get on really well, we have plans for the future, he’s a good dad, hard worker. I do love him.

sorry for the ramble. I haven’t spoken about this to anyone snd wondered how this sounds?

OP posts:
Chickadoo · 29/09/2024 21:36

He obviously wants intimacy/sex, which is good. I think you need to get to the bottom of why he finds it difficult to initiate. Does he struggle with low self-esteem? Had rejection in the past?

He has relied too long on you initiating. If he wants it, he's going to have to step up his game.

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