Affectionate/upset

[PerkyTraybake]

Ok, long version short.
This is not "new", but Im starting now to get a bit upset..
My dh sometimes questions me acting wrong.. or not affectionate enough.
Today; we went to a theatre with the kids and I was about to put the kids on the seats between us. He got upset at me for not "wanting to sit next to him". (For me it was clear not to let the kids sit beside strangers..)
The other day, I didnt "cuddle enough". We were watching movies in the sofa and I just hold his hand..
Another day I let the kids sleep in our bed, and of course he got upset because I didnt prioritizing him.

Just a few examples. I am starting to get irritatated because my actions isnt completely "right" all the time..
Opinions please.

He’s a controlling dick head.

Yes, sometimes it feels very weird

He sounds like a tedious man child.
I would totally get the ick.
So unattractive.

He’s a controlling wanker

Yes it feels that I sometimes walk on eggshells so I behave correct.

You are in an abusive relationship.
Start thinking about that.
Is this really what you want.
Speak to Women's aid for some advice and support.

I would also recommend watching some Dr Ramani videos on YouTube and seeing if anything else resonates. And I'm sorry, but if it does, you just need to get out. Things won't change. Good luck

There’s no such thing as ‘behave correct’ when it comes to affection. What you mean is ‘I give in and do exactly what he wants to keep the peace’ which is the very definition of an abusive controlling relationship

Oh dear. I suspect there's many more instances of him controlling you. But from what you've said, yes he is controlling and wierd.

Cloying and controlling. No wonder it bothers you.

Sounds like he's jealous of the
attention you give your children, which doesn't bode well.
Does he display any other immature behaviour, like sulking?
You should be able to relax and just be yourself, this will wear you down.

There's nothing wrong with your actions. There's nothing wrong with him wanting more either BUT he should be prioritising the DC above himself.

If you two are fundamentally incompatible and you don't want to provide more affection under any circumstances, eg date nights where someone else looks after DC, he needs to leave. It's one thing to ask for more, it's another to constantly be nit picking or accusing you. Why does he automatically assume the level of affection he wants is the "right" level? There isn't one! Why can't he see that you're a person with your own wants/needs/ thoughts/opinions too and have an adult conversation about it all instead of putting you down all the time?

How long has this been going on? I suspect it may be since DC born, which makes him someone who should never have had DC since he's too selfish to be able to accept their well-being and safety comes first now, not him and his desires.

Needy man-child and controlling, bin him off.
We had one child who came in every night until they were 15yo. Given they were over 6’ at that point, it was interesting bed logistics. Just stopped one night of their own accord, no issue. It’s common sense to put kids inbetween you at cinema if two of you are taking them, in case they start and get fidgety in seat or whatnot. Wish everyone did so. We generally only ever had one person at a time at home so no go in this respect when ours were young but I’d expect this as standard with two parents.

In general he sounds tedious and needy. You say you walk on eggshells, that’s no way to live. Get rid.

This.
It's as though he has an issue with not being your main concern in life anymore and his ego is bruised!
I agree that there is nothing wrong with him wanting his wife's attention but, he needs to stop making out that you are acting inappropriately and start looking at himself. He wanted children with you, and so the quicker he realises that children have to take priority over his desires the better.
IF you still love your husband I would tell him so (give him reassurance) but I would include your children in that statement in the hope that he sees how they tie you as parents. Something like: "I love you so much - we have made such beautiful children together and I see you in them. I really appreciate it when you enter something nice he does here"
If you DON'T love him anymore tell him to leave. Wishing you the best. 🌼

Thank you for all the answers. It is so helpful to have other persons views over issues.

I guess I think abusive is a scary word to put in my mouth.

He sounds awful.
Surely there are no two adults who go to the cinema/theatre with young kids and don't sit either side of those kids?

He sounds as if he would be happy if you sat at his feet at all times feeding him peeled grapes and available to listen to his stories and be groped presumably.

Meanwhile back in the real world.
Yes sadly he does sounds abusive. You get told off for looking after your children?

I just read another thread where there is no affection. Then this one.
So I'll go against the grain here and say that IF your children will be able to sit and watch the film without irritating people next to them. Then why not sit together and have some couple time?

It sounds like your husband is feeling there is a lack of intimacy / affection.