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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic father, only sees son 4 times year!

5 replies

Mamaof1x · 29/09/2024 18:34

Hi all, just wanted some advice really…
I have a beautiful son age 3, we live together in our own council home now and are very happy. My relationship with his father was/is still toxic. He’s a narcissist, very controlling, and was abusive & cheated also. Anyway, without going into that too much… he lives 2hrs away, he doesn’t drive however he has two days off a week, also has holiday leave. He sees his son every 3-4 months for around ten days and doesn’t see him otherwise… he video calls a lot which is annoying as it bothers me, I don’t want to see or talk to him for obvious reasons however I allow the call so he can talk to his son. It upsets me he is so inconsistent with our son & when he does see him, they are stuck indoors all week he doesn’t even take him to do anything, no memories made!!
I’m also in a relationship which he is unaware of, he previously has told me I am not to introduce anybody to our son, which is basically saying I can’t move on, can’t move in with anyone or get married because my sons a big part of my life. Of course I’m not going to listen to his stupid request but I do worry that when he finds out he will threaten to take my son away. What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
blublub · 29/09/2024 18:41

Tell him to pee off and if he wants contact go via the courts. Legally he cannot dictate if you start a new relationship or not! The situation is not fair on you or your son. It must be so confusing for him. Sending best wishes

JohnofWessex · 29/09/2024 18:42

Ignore him.

BUT I might keep a copy of what he has said to you if possible in case he starts proceedings

Mamaof1x · 29/09/2024 18:46

blublub · 29/09/2024 18:41

Tell him to pee off and if he wants contact go via the courts. Legally he cannot dictate if you start a new relationship or not! The situation is not fair on you or your son. It must be so confusing for him. Sending best wishes

Thank you, exactly that. Quite honestly would be better if he just didn’t bother all together as it’s confusing for my son. Or at least it will be very confusing once he starts primary school and sees a normal family dynamic more.

OP posts:
blublub · 29/09/2024 21:34

It sounds more like he’s using your son to control you. Hopefully he won’t bother pursuing it and leave you in peace if you put your foot down and stop letting him dictate terms that are in no one’s interests but his own.

elenna55 · 29/10/2024 16:59

this sounds like my husband, he doesn't bother do much things together with our son either. You are the primary care giver and you are able to get court order. Hopefully he won't bother to pursue 50/50 custody, as he clearly isn't interested in child's welfare.

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