Should I be worried

[chocolatelips]

Hi,
My husband has a close guy friend who has a girlfriend.
He has known his male friend for a while since childhood but they have gotten closer since they started working together ( about 2 years now).
My husband has also gotten close to his girlfriend.
They all hang out alot when I am not around and when I am around too.
Since the first time I met the lady, I did note my husbands fondness of her.
He hugs her differently from his other female friends and looks at her quite alot.
Recently her mum was unwell, we went to see them.My husband took over some wine and a card directed to her which was okay but while we were there, he managed to sit by her and stroke her hair not once but twice in a fondly manner.
They also text once in a while on Facebook and have each other's numbers.
While there, the lady decided that we should all form a group since we see each other alot.
The strange thing is that she said out loud that she didn't have my husbands number ( not true) and asked for it there and then (putting an act out) yet they usually chat.

I spoke to my husband about his behaviour towards her and his defence was that he is an affectionate man and cannot guard how he shows affection.
I have since cut off my closeness to her as I have been worried about her behaviour towards my husband.
She always touches him on his thigh when she speaks to him.

Today he was having a chat with his guy friend and I over heard that the lady's mum is not doing too well healthwise.
My husband didn't tell me about it.
Do I need to worry that he is now choosing to leave me out of what's going on?

Should I be worried that if he decided to go and visit them or her, he will do it without telling me?

I am worried about what would transpire between the lady and my husband physically if left alone.

Please advice.
I don't know what to do.

This is an odd situation. How does his friend feel about him touching his girlfriend in this way and visa versa? I would have brought up the phone number thing in front of her tbh. It sounds like they have overstepped. Your husband is behaving disrespectfully towards you. I guess you have two options delve deeper and find out what’s really going on between them. Or give him an ultimatum to start acting appropriately. I would worry this is verging on affair territory. If your husband is touchy feely with other women does this woman feel he has singled her out and not realised? Plus if her father is poorly she is possibly vulnerable right now. He needs to tread very carefully!

Strange situation. Why are you referring to her as "the lady".

She is a lady.What would you refer her to?

Men love vulnerability – it’s an opportune moment to try it on.

The phone number BS is well sus. I’d be really unimpressed by that – they’re taking the piss.

I’d be investigating more at this point.

See the thing is her boyfriend is very naive and probably does not see what I see.
For example that day when he was stroking her hair, her boyfriend was sat afew meters away speaking to me so he had no view of what was happening there.

Yes she is vulnerable which scares me.
I am here wondering when he will make a plan to go visit them "read her" and what will happen.

Also, last week we were at a friend's party.There were games to play and we all had teams.
My husband and her were on the same team by chance.
I must say that they spent more time sat together than I did with him.
He also managed to play a game with her and no other woman or even myself.

Please tell me I am not being petty?

That evening she drank herself to a point that she began asking the kids in the party to pull down the men's shorts who were at the party.
Something I found appalling.

We left later and someone posted a photo of the lady sleeping on the grass as she was almost "out".

My husband was the first to react to the post to firstly laugh and secondly ask if she made it to work the next day.

Why is it that it's just my husband who was keen to find out how she was feeling and if she got to work?

Something is really cooking here.

This is how King Whotsit and Wallis Simpson got found out. A brief, overly familiar touch.

Stroking another woman's hair is a massive red flag to me. It's so intimate. I wouldn't be happy OP.

I think you need to go with your gut OP, this sounds very sus.

If my OH touched another women's hair in front of me, there would be no end to the hell I would unleash.

Yep, I'm with the others on this - the touching of her hair is an extremely intimate gesture in my book. I'd be very suspicious of this - I'd be thinking there was already something 'going on'!

Yes, @chocolatelips, you should be worried.

I recall your ‘Touch and Touch’ thread from August where you recounted most of this. Posters were appalled by your H’s inappropriate behavior with this OW — the intimate touching and closeness, messaging, gifts, in-jokes, etc. Although he is tactile with other women, he is OTT with this one. It’s on a different level.

I still call this an Emotional Affair with inappropriate touching. Besides caressing OW’s hair and touching her thigh, he also embraces her and they converse while she is in his arms.

After you spoke to him, you two attended a wedding and he couldn’t take his eyes off OW. You said he was ‘fascinated’. While he was ogling her he would touch on you like he was fantasizing about touching her. Others must have observed his drooling.

Did you ever confront H about OW’s blatant lie to you and her H that she didn’t have his number?

I am sorry to hear that things are still cozy between them, but I’m not surprised. His sitting with OW most of the time at the recent gathering and making sure that he played a game with her are more of the same thirsty behavior. He is obsessed with her, is refusing to distance himself, and is totally disregarding your feelings and boundaries.

I remember that you’ve recently had a celebration to mark your year-long marriage, for which H insisted that OW arrange the music. Did he allow you to voice your opinion?

From your update today, it does sound like he may be cutting you out of the loop. I believe that they could escalate to some sexual involvement. He has already told you that touching women is his normal, and his red line is sleeping with them.

We urged you to read him the riot act and refuse to tolerate his huge disrespect to you and your marriage. When you spoke to him, he was defensive. The 3rd person in your marriage is still there and H continues to prioritize and invest in her.

@chocolatelips, when will enough be enough?