how quick is to quick for kids

[Lostviking]

Im 35 and newly single after 8 years. for the last 4 i wanted to ttry for a child but was always met with 'soon'. Ideally I'd have been with someone for years, be stable and married and be really certain. But I do have an expiry date and it scares me so I want a child asap.
I obviously cant do both but what is a reasonable time to be together for before you can feel confident you can co parent with them (in or out of a relationship). I am scared I will rush things and regret it.

There aren't any guarantees, I'm sorry. I would say that it worked out for me, in that I met someone lovely, had a child very quickly and we loved each other and built a life together. Or you could say that there were major issues there, as my late dh had severe chronic illness which i didn't really know much about for some time, but by that time we were already parents, and in fact that illness killed him in the end. Was that disastrous? He was genuinely wonderful, and I had my son which is what i wanted most in life, but I can't say life was easy. I don't regret it though.

There's a balance between ignoring obvious red flags early on, and accepting that you can't control everything.

I feel like it really does depend. I was with my husband for 2 years before we got married and lots of people in my life thought that was too soon but I think that was because I was fairly young. We decided to try for a child literally as soon as we were married and ended up with twins at 22. Now we have 5 kids and are 37 and still very happy but there aren't any guarantees. People can know someone for over a decade and it still will not work out

No guarantees but I’ve seen it suggested on here before that it takes at least 18 months to see all sides of someone

I do think as you get into your 30s it takes less time to figure someone out, maybe because confidence has grown or you know yourself better or are just clearer on what you want, that's what I believe anyway. I met my partner at 35 after being single for nearly 10 years and was pregnant 18 months later. Our little boy is nearly one now and I've never been happier!

I was with my exh for 5 years before we had our first child. It was only after the second child arrived that I began to realise the values and views on parenthood and equality of the sexes that he'd claimed up until then were actually just him agreeing with/mirroring me, and his actual views were far more old-fashioned and sexist.

Im so happy for you and I hope I can do something similar

oh no thats awful, im so sorry. That must be very hard to navigate
I guess theres a benifit to single parenthood is nobody elses opinions to consider

I have faith that it will happen for you! I was single for so long and was gutted as I desperately wanted children, I was convinced it would never happen but I do think there are a lot of good guys out there so I do hope you find yours!