Breakup after Divorce

[Billybob31]

I've just ended a 6 month relationship. It was my first breakup after my divorce two years ago.
If I'm really honest, the whole thing has made me anxious and unsure for a while, but this breakup has hit me so hard.

Basically, he admitted that I'm just not a priority in his life. He has other things that are more important to him and he just doesn't have the time to see me. I've felt this for a while, but he offered reassurance. Then, a few days ago he just basically said - yes, I've had a good think, I thought I wanted a relationship with you, but I don't.

I was just building up my self esteem after the divorce and this has knocked me right back down. I feel rejected and unlovable, like I'm just not worth basic consideration and effort.
I've also been treated badly by my ex and this relationship was fun, the sex was amazing and it felt like a bit of light in my life.
Now, it's like I have nothing good to look forward to or enjoy.

Any advice from someone who has been through similar?

It sounds like you were probably in a bit of a rebound relationship anyhow. See it as a learning experience, and enjoy what it was at the time. Companion and good sex. Use it to understand more about what you want for your own life and focus on that and you.

When you are ready the right relationship will find you. Good luck and hugs x

The thing is, I really thought we were on the same page and were heading to something serious.
And as soon as I asked for him to prioritise me, just a litte, he just said no and ended it.
I feel awful!

And the worst is that I have to see him as we work together. Not sure how I'll cope.

What were you asking him to prioritise you over? Was you ask unreasonable? Work will be tough, but each day it will get easier I am sure.

He just couldn't prioritise me over anything. Not just work, but hobbies, friends etc...
He just basically said, he enjoys his life as it is and doesn't want me in it except on a casual basis.

So basically he wanted a relationship fully on his own terms. Good luck to him finding someone willing to take that as an offer. Just focus on yourself now for a bit and give yourself time to get over him

Basically he said for months that he wanted a relationship, and I thought that's where we were heading.
Then, we had a discussion about priorities and he suddenly told me that, although he does like me a lot, he has realised that he just wants to be single.
It's just messed with my head a lot and I feel totally devastated by it.

It does sound like he has misled you a little, maybe he didn't really know what he wanted either.

Completely see how it has messed with your head. Chin up, and chalk it down to experience. Hugs.

My first break up after divorce felt really brutal. I went back, and straight away regretted it. I think it just brings up a lot of stuff, feels like the boot going in when you're already down. But he's told you where he's at, and I think you just need to understand it's not you, it's him and you can't control it.

It is what it is. Onwards and upwards eh.

Yea, I do know all this.
If I'm totally honest, I truly feel that he has lost more than me.
But, today, I feel shit and just desperately want to be with him.

Just sending you a big virtual hug.

Coincidentally I was in a similar situation with a guy I knew from work. My marriage had ended the year before he and I got together. He lured me in with false promises about what he wanted and it was on and off for much longer than it should have been. I often felt like I was a placeholder when he didn't have much else to do, it did improve a little toward the end but not greatly... I think he wanted all of the benefits of having a girlfriend but none of the responsibilities of being in a relationship.

It bloody hurt, it was like every wound from my marriage ending has been reopened. But long term, you'll be happier without him and will one day look back and see the had a lucky escape. You were possibly quite vulnerable and needing affection/validation after your divorce (I certainly was!) and sadly some people prey on that.

Keep strong, go no contact and look after you x

Thanks all. I feel better for a good night's sleep.

I certainly felt that he wanted the benefits of a girlfriend, without any of the difficult bits. He just isn't there and I have to accept that.

I'm determined to go no contact as much as possible. And will be polite whenever I see him at work and try to hold my head up.