Saintly sibling

[Pinkmoonshine]

I have a sibling, let’s call them sibling B, who I really do love and get on well with but unfortunately has a really blind side.

This is now the second big hurtful event in my life where I have been cut off and excluded / given a cold shoulder by another relation. First time it was a close cousin and this time it’s a sibling. My other sibling (lets say sibling X) is not fully excluding me but is being cold and reserved and for reasons which are very complicated has decided to think some really unpleasant thoughts about me, which are completely unfair and unjustified. I haven’t defended myself and I am now starting to realise this is always a bad idea. I just hoped it would all go away and have been as nice as I can be.

I can just about cope with this because I know this sibling is having a really awful year and it’s some kind of distraction from their own problem / easier to blame others sort of thing. And I know that hurt people hurt people.

What I am finding extra difficult is that my other sibling B is sucking up to them, and enjoying being a saint and playing a special role in the family .

This other sibling (B) did this to me 20 years ago when I was cut out and ignored by my close friend / cousin. Sibling B got all cosy with them at that point and ignored my feelings.. it really upset me then to be ignored and sidelined especially as I really was the injured party.

On both occasions, Sibling B seems to make themselves feel good by being kind to the party that is angry with me. And the party that is angry with me enjoys the attention.

Not really sure what to do. Any words of advice. How NOT to feel hurt, basically.

It's hard to say without knowing what your sibling is angry about. I'm protective of my siblings, especially my sister. I'd probably be cold if I felt my brother deliberately hurt her.

That said, it's an awful feeling when people are mad at you. I'm sorry, I imagine you feel quite alone.

Are your parents still around?

Had it ever occurred to you that your sibling B isn't doing this 'because of you' at all?
Maybe they just enjoy the company of their family members, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you or the conflict between you and these other relatives.

You really shouldn't expect people to get in between these conflicts or take sides. That all sounds incredibly immature. No matter what has happened between you and those relatives, your sibling B is still their family, so the choice to have a relationship with them is theirs to make.

I don't know the situation, because you've worded your post in the most vague way you can - which I understand privacy wise. But you come across as very self centered and entitled, expecting your sibling to show soms strange form of loyalty to you by not engaging with people who have offended you.

Yes you probably do perceive that from my post and fair enough. But it’s not the case actually. But I would probs let interpret something like this too. Fairly pointless to have posted as I can’t go into the nitty gritty.

I will however try to take your point! hard when feeling very hurt.

Sibling X is actually angry at our parent and has thrown me into the mix thanks to their own paranoia and prejudice.

sibling B is trying to do the right thing. But it’s an old wound they are pressing on. Last time they literally just ignored the fact that I was being cut out and got extra close to this cousin out of the blue. It felt personal.