Hey everyone!
I have a tendency to self sabotage a bit so wanted advice from an outside point of view, for context, I have a very lovely relationship with my partner, he's kind and he helped me with my healing journey, I have a fair bit of trauma and go therapy and he's so gentle and supportive, we are truly like best friends but of course even the strongest of relationships have their issues. This may seem pretty petty to some but for me I'm just feeling a bit anxious I.e the previous trauma and toxic past.
So my boyfriend has a tendency to lie about the smallest and most irrelevant things, for example, when we started dating we of course spoke about each others past and things and he told me he had a really good friend but she wanted more and he didn't, later I found out they were more than friends, basically a fwb situation and it did end because she wanted a relationship and he didn't. I just felt odd like why lie about the past for? We didn't even know eachother then.
So my boyfriend has a few girl mates just as I have a few guy mates, he went to one of the girls graduation and after party a few months back, even posted her to say happy graduation etc etc, I thought it was completely harmless and I didn't care like that tbh, but recently I saw he liked her birthday pic on instagram of her all dressed up, make up did etc and I thought that was odd as we both said what are boundaries were and mine was liking girls pics as it makes you look like you find them attractive or think they look good...he was fine with it but as I said he liked the pic so I brought it up and he acted funny, he said 'honestly I had a notification that she hadn't posted in a while, I saw the pic, I just clicked like, there's nothing else to it' I said ok, can I read through your chat with her please and he agreed, I scrolled up as there was barely any chat this year but last year!!! Last year they were dating 🤦🏻♀️ the messages were very evident, lots of 'baby, ride or die' messages...even a few posts on insta of eachother?! So I said 'look, I know this is the past and things, but why oh why do you keep lying about irrelevant things!?' He said he's sorry and he was scared to tell me incase I thought they had something now and didn't want me to panic as it ended and it was never gonna be a thing between them again.
Let me reiterate here I did not see any recent chats that were worrisome to me...she responded to his story on WhatsApp of us saying 'hey trouble! Still coming to my graduation party tonight? You can bring your girlfriend if you want😊' - so yeah! I don't think there's anything for me to worry about now, but the lies!!! I just, I guess I'm just worried if he can lie so freely about the past, what can he lie about now?
Please no comments about leaving because I'm determined to make this relationship work, I don't want to give up, but I need changes! How do I even address this properly as it was a very quick chat we had about it but yet it still is bothering me :/
Thank you for responding if you do! I appreciate it