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Breakfastattiffanys909 · 2024-09-28T12:49:12+00:00

Matched OLD with a guy this week of 57, 6 years older than me so thought older may be more interested in actually dating.not just sex. Wrong! It's gone from doing a xword together last week to him now telling me he's into things others aren't??!! He's been very gentlemanly so far it seemed a promising match. I mean how mundane is doing a crossword lol lol when he heard about whatever it is he googled it, but the girl he was seeing backed off. He won't tell me what it is, says txt isn't the place??? Now thinking allsorts. Says he's been single for 3yrs after a 20yr marriage so obvs enjoying himself. He said he hasn't spoken to someone as open as me...not sure what gave him this idea?? Is he just testing the waters?? We do live quite a long way from each other so already had reservations but was going to meet for a walk/coffee..now I'm not so sure!! I put off meeting guys who only talk about sex, mainly as I've experienced enough hurt that way but sometimes am I wrong in not even going for an initial meet up? I know for some it's worked out to become something longer term, but not for me over the years. Have great friends and family but would really like to have a relationship too.

WithnailOnTour · 28/09/2024 13:52

Run away.

Didhe · 28/09/2024 13:52

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CombatLingerie · 28/09/2024 13:56

Sometimes I really really just hate men. Please don’t engage any further with this man OP and definitely don’t meet up with him.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2024 13:57

He's a creepy pervert just waiting for a green light from you.

Block and run.

Waitforit7 · 28/09/2024 13:58

His line that he’s never met someone as open as you is pure manipulation. It’s an attempt to get you to lower your boundaries because you’ll feel like you have more about you than other “prudish” women and some kind of intimacy with him that makes you stand out from the others. It’s a lie, yes he’s testing the waters to see if he can make you do whatever it is, and if you are easily manipulated. Until you actually know what it is, why is he saying you’re “more open”, doesn’t make sense does it? It’s just the build up to the revelation of what it actually is. Older most certainly doesn’t mean more interested in dating than sex. My ex was over 60 and was a lying cheat, a manipulator, and all he cared about was sex, and having his kinks attended to- his kinks were things most women would feel a bit crushed by. Why would you even meet him when he’s started off this way? My ex at least waited 2 years before slowly bringing in who he really is. It seems he is just after sex with you and an immediate exploring of his kinks, so if that’s what you’re looking for go for it, but if you want a serious relationship with someone, I would drop him

ManhattanPopcorn · 28/09/2024 14:00

Run

BrainLife · 28/09/2024 14:10

He's preparing you so he can tell you about whatever kink it is he has and you'll be expecting it. He's being all mysterious and giving you halves of everything. It's annoying. He should just be upfront rather than stringing you along. If you go to meet him he will assume you're not arsed that he's into something 'weird'. I'd leave well alone. Sounds very immature.

Sinisterbag · 28/09/2024 14:12

Ugh, whatever 'it' is I'm pretty sure you will need brain bleach if you entertain that conversation OP, block!!

ChristmasFluff · 28/09/2024 14:23

Whenever you meet an abuser, they will do an early boundary push. This is his boundary push.

If you don't bin him, this relationship will be an abusive one, I guarantee it.

brimfulofpacha · 28/09/2024 14:39

Block. Surely, surely he can meet someone into the same things on a niche app rather than pushing your boundaries? Or just be upfront and let you make an informed decision rather than starting out all cosy with the puzzles? Fuck him off, he's a creep

Waitforit7 · 28/09/2024 19:27

yep, early manipulation with a small sprinkle of love bombing (you’re not like the other women- you’re different, I can share this stuff with you- even though he actually hasn’t, but needs to build you up to not reject what his kinks are because then you won’t feel special and different anymore) this is 100% the hallmark of an abusive character who already has a script and a role for you to play and he’s just warming you up to play that role.

I don’t understand why you haven’t told him to just tell you, he can surely phone you if texting it is too difficult for him? Why haven’t you asked him what he means by he’s never met someone as open as you, when you don’t even know what it is yet? Please find out what it is, for all we know it could be something really tame, but I’m thinking not. I wouldn’t even bother talking to him unless he tells you what it is, then share that here and we can actually give further advice, but right now it seems he’s semi love bombing, manipulating, building up to getting you into something you might feel uncomfortable with, and it’s coming off abusive.

Autumnblackberries · 28/09/2024 19:28

Urgh. Filthy old man

OfficerChurlish · 28/09/2024 19:31

He said he hasn't spoken to someone as open as me...not sure what gave him this idea?? Is he just testing the waters??

Yup; he flatters you for being open, "not like the other girls" who shut down his prematures sex talk, hoping you start to behave that way to please him/embrace and bolster this new "positive" image of you. At least, that's my guess.

13Ghosts · 28/09/2024 19:38

"Into things others aren't"

@Sinisterbag said it, Brain Bleach. Don't even ask what he means. If you're not experienced in the cess pit, even brain bleach might not help.

Tell him you aren't open at all. You are strictly vanilla, missionary with condoms, in the dark with a 7 minute timer.

He's played this game before. If your skin hasn't started to crawl yet, it probably is about to.

Original poster

Breakfastattiffanys909 · 28/09/2024 20:02

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I know the mind boggles 🤣

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Breakfastattiffanys909 · 28/09/2024 20:05

BrainLife · 28/09/2024 14:10

He's preparing you so he can tell you about whatever kink it is he has and you'll be expecting it. He's being all mysterious and giving you halves of everything. It's annoying. He should just be upfront rather than stringing you along. If you go to meet him he will assume you're not arsed that he's into something 'weird'. I'd leave well alone. Sounds very immature.

Yes exactly. Why mention it and then say it's not appropriate to discuss by text? Lol bit disappointed as thought this one was different. He's made himself out to be a gentleman this week lol

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Breakfastattiffanys909 · 28/09/2024 20:07

Waitforit7 · 28/09/2024 19:27

yep, early manipulation with a small sprinkle of love bombing (you’re not like the other women- you’re different, I can share this stuff with you- even though he actually hasn’t, but needs to build you up to not reject what his kinks are because then you won’t feel special and different anymore) this is 100% the hallmark of an abusive character who already has a script and a role for you to play and he’s just warming you up to play that role.

I don’t understand why you haven’t told him to just tell you, he can surely phone you if texting it is too difficult for him? Why haven’t you asked him what he means by he’s never met someone as open as you, when you don’t even know what it is yet? Please find out what it is, for all we know it could be something really tame, but I’m thinking not. I wouldn’t even bother talking to him unless he tells you what it is, then share that here and we can actually give further advice, but right now it seems he’s semi love bombing, manipulating, building up to getting you into something you might feel uncomfortable with, and it’s coming off abusive.

You're so right I think. Funnily enough not heard from him since this conversation. Why do people have to be so cruel?

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Breakfastattiffanys909 · 28/09/2024 20:09

CombatLingerie · 28/09/2024 13:56

Sometimes I really really just hate men. Please don’t engage any further with this man OP and definitely don’t meet up with him.

I feel the same right now. I'm just an ordinary person, look after my appearance, think I'm good company but after my husband walked out on me and our prem.baby 17 years ago I'm still single. It gets very lonely

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Breakfastattiffanys909 · 28/09/2024 20:10

Autumnblackberries · 28/09/2024 19:28

Urgh. Filthy old man

Lol, he's even a grandad lol

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Breakfastattiffanys909 · 28/09/2024 20:11

Autumnblackberries · 28/09/2024 19:28

Urgh. Filthy old man

I know right! He's even a grandad lol

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Waitforit7 · 28/09/2024 21:51

Breakfastattiffanys909 · 28/09/2024 20:07

You're so right I think. Funnily enough not heard from him since this conversation. Why do people have to be so cruel?

Show quote history

Maybe he got the hoover nozzle stuck up his arse and he’s in hospital?

CombatLingerie · 29/09/2024 10:04

I understand @Breakfastattiffanys909 I was a single parent for fifteen years (by choice) but it does get very lonely.

Original poster

Breakfastattiffanys909 · 29/09/2024 11:38

So update! Woke to a message saying that he doesn't really know me but as I had told him my ghosting stories he felt it best to be honest lol.
Says he's been chatting with someone and feels something he can't walk away.from. (didn't have to be that honest!.and most likely not even single in the first place)

I said thanks for wasting my time and the punch line....he said he'd been honest so I should have the decency not to lash out?? (Wasn't going to...blocked and deleted!)
I don't think he knew what decency is!!!
Dodged a bullet but still knocks my.confidence. deleting all apps for now.

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