How to survive after divorce

[OliviaKT]

He left, and there’s no hope he will change his mind. I feel betrayed and devastated and I cannot find answers to why this is happening after 18 years together. And I have to be strong for me and the children. I try to keep myself busy and stay positive- in a way a heavy burden has been lifted, but I can’t stop crying. Today is the first time they are staying over at his new place and I can only describe the feeling as a hole, where my hart used to be. It hurts so bad . Please tell me it gets easier

It gets easier. Honestly. It’s hard, not gonna lie. You have to be as practical and focussed as possible. Are your children of an age where you need a Co-parenting plan? Start there: it will give you clarity. The grief will happen regardless, but you need to be task-driven and separate out a space for your own feelings, be that a scheduled therapy, self-care or gym session.

I’ve been there. It’s hard but it definitely gets easier. I used to sit in my car in the driveway and not want to go into an empty house as it would be so quiet compared to when it was full of life before. It took me a while but I’ve seen he’s not the man I thought I married and I’m glad we aren’t together now (we were together a similar ish time). Whilst I hate not seeing my DC as much as I would have done, I make the most of my time without them and enjoy having a bit of life back. I’ve had two DP since (both over a year). Dating with DC has its challenges & online dating can be horrible but it can also be fun. I know you are a long way off that. I didn’t know anyone who was in my situation when it happened but I know loads now. Try to find support to help you through. My biggest advice would be to try to coparent as civilly as you can. It’s better for everyone. Even if you hate him (or come to) then it’s better to suppress this. It’s better for the DC but I think it’s also better for you as if you need something from ExH they are more likely to be agreeable if you have a good co-parenting relationship.

I’ve been where you are, it’s so ahit. The first few weekends without the kids were awful. But in time I promise it gets better.

Do you have good friends around you? Can you make plans for the times you don’t have the kids- a coffee or a walk or a night out? Make the most of the time if you can, even if it’s just eating chocolate and bingeing on a box set. You will need the down time as being on your own with the kids full time is tough.

I am ten years on from my divorce now, remarried and the kids are late teens! You can and will get through this and it does get better. 💐