I'll try to be brief. But I want to give background! Potentially long post.
I don't know if I should do anything!
So, DH and I were friends for many years before we ended up getting together. We both have DC from seperate relationships, but no DC together.
We have known each other since 2003 but never dated in that time. I was with the father of my child for 6 years between 2006 and 2012, and during that time, my now DH met and stayed with the mother of HIS children until 2016. I was in a rather disastrous/abusive relationship for a few years after the father of my child, which ended badly for me.
My now DH and I both became single in the same year. About year from then - after consoling each other about the demise of our relationships, etc etc we grew close and got together. We always chatted on and off for many years anyway, as we've always been good friends.
This friendship means he knows more about my dating history than perhaps I would tell a boyfriend/long term partner/husband.
For clarity on my thought process behind this - I don't feel I need to know every detail of someone's sexual history. But I do think if it's relevant somehow then it's important to be honest, but my baseline is - if I am single, it is my business unless I choose to tell.
I was single for a few periods in my life, obviously. I've been with more people than him and he knows this. He actually knows a lot about my relationship/sexual history before I had children, because he asked many questions and I didn't mind sharing - but I've been a little less sharing about 2012 and the period after my last ex just before my DH.
So there are a couple of things that I have kept from DH that I didn't think were of any consequence to him, aside from the fact he has a rather jealous streak and can fixate on men's "interest" in me, from time to time, (he has a problem with likes and comments on my socials at times) so I chose to omit one fact about my past, and one fact related to my past that has now become a current issue.
One man I had a short fling with back in 2012, has remained my friend because it didn't end badly, and he's a good person. He's married now, adores his wife and kids, and we rarely communicate. My husband enquired about how I knew him when we were in our first few years, and I lied. He asked me directly if we have slept together and I said no. I didn't want it to become an issue that he wouldn't let go. And I knew for a fact that the friend wasn't a threat and I had no desire for him!
But years later, I had a little scare, because him and my husband happened to have the same hobby and my husband asked me to connect him with my friend so they can share the activity together. I couldn't find a reason not to ask my friend, so now said friend invites him to practice the hobby together, and they're Facebook friends.
It was rather nerve racking. Thankfully, nobody has mentioned anything and I feel safe in the knowledge that because he's a good guy, it'll be a non issue. But I have a small feeling that DH doesn't really believe me so I sometimes wonder if he will ever ask the friend.
The second problem, I'm not so sure about.
It's sort of the same thing. Not long before I got with DH, I had this crush on my local postie. I left postie a flattering note in my letterbox (and went out!) with my number on it, and he wrote his name and number in return on a delivery note.
It was all very sweet and cute and we ended up getting smutty over text, sending (non identifying) nudes etc - just a bit of harmless fun. He then confessed he had a gf and that was the end of that. I have no interest in mucking about qith people in relationships. That part was then awkward, I saw him around a few times and then just stopped seeing him anywhere and it was a relief.
Well, at the time, as DH was just my friend, I told him all about it.
Fast forward a few years to about a year ago, we discover through social media that postie now works in the same profession as DH.
DH was not keen about this, seemed to find it threatening (it's in the creative industry) and became quite fixated on the issue for a while.
It smoothed over for a bit. Until recently, when I started working as DH admin assistant and managing his work appointments. One day, I sent a cold email to a potential new job and they forwarded my email to the person who deals with their clients, and the resulting email from this person was signed by the bloody former postie.
Bloody former postie told me he knew of DH and his career, and was more than happy to go ahead and book kn the clients behalf because DH has a gold reputation.
I told DH who it was managing the clients, and although he didn't seem happy, as it wasn't directly working for the guy, and was work communication, we are always short of money - So we went with it.
DH asked me after a few recurring jobs there, if postie remembered who I was. I said I doubt it - and no, he hadn't said so.
He hadn't. It had all been professionql.
But that sparked my curiosity, so one day I impulsively signed off an email with something that would show I remembered him, but nothing forward. Just an in-joke type of thing.
He replied straight away, stating that he'd been wondering if I remembered my friendly neighbourhood postie.
I felt better knowing where I stood, and nothing further came of it from postie and I felt less anxious dealing with him.
But DH has asked me periodically if postie has ever asked or alluded to our dalliance, and I've continued to say no.
As I said, I don't have any desire for the guy and he hasn't done anything untoward aside from that comment. I guess it was my ego wanting to know if he recognised me.
But now I have a problem where they have both been hired by the same client, although not at the same time, (one before the other), so will definitely cross paths.
And postie will probably feel like it's professional to say hello to DH and thank him for the jobs DH has done so far etc etc
But I'm absolutely terrified that DH will ask him outright. Or that postie will make some reference! DH has already stated that he doesn't want me to attend the job with him.
DH has made me block men before who he feels have "overstepped" and he follows almost every man who follows me on social media. And he questions me about men who regularly comment.
Not that I care I just don't want to feel controlled in all aspects of communication with the opposite sex.
I shouldn't have lied.
I should never have referenced my past with postie to him.
Or maybe I shouldn't have told DH
I can't take any of it back though.
DH has huge trust issues that I am not sure where are rooted. His ex cheated once before they had their children, though.
Should I approach postie and tell him its best to play dumb about me with DH or is that going to put him on an ego/power trip?
Should I tell DH I've been lying so it is just out in the open?
Is it likely that either party will end up having some in depth convo about me? (that sounds weird but ykwim)