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Original poster

Would you end it?

33 replies

Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 20:29

Would you end your long distance relationship if you'd waited for months to see them and then they cancelled their trip the day before flying to go to a job interview next week? He was supposed to stay fri-wed. Cancelled the whole trip. Offered to give me money to have a good weekend still but I want his time not his money. I have supported him through lots of other stuff. He said last week if they called him for interview he'd reschedule but he didn't try to once they did. I don't feel like a priority, he says he loves me and wants a future with me. Wwyd thanks

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/09/2024 21:09

Yup

BlastedPimples · 27/09/2024 21:55

Yes I would end it.

It's actions that matter not words.

Isittoolatea · 27/09/2024 21:58

I’d take the money he’s offered me then I’d end it (only because I’m feeling bitter at the moment because I’ve just split with my partner of 15 years )

Frith2013 · 27/09/2024 22:01

The paying you off is really weird behaviour.

Yes, I'd end it.

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 22:04

I thought so too, I'm not a prostitute.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 22:08

More context is needed. Is this his dream job? Is it a mega pay rise? Does it bring him one step closer to developing a more solid and solvent future that he says he wants you to be part of? I don’t think he is buying you off, I think he genuinely wants you to have a good weekend because he recognises that he’s let you down. Has he apologised? Has he said he how and when he will make this disappointment up to you? Only you know if this is a deal maker or breaker, but further context is needed. Sometimes we have to let down the ones we love, it’s a fact of life, it sucks to feel hurt and disappointed, but it’s not always the be all and end all. If it becomes a regular occurrence then it’s a problem of course.

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 22:14

Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 22:08

More context is needed. Is this his dream job? Is it a mega pay rise? Does it bring him one step closer to developing a more solid and solvent future that he says he wants you to be part of? I don’t think he is buying you off, I think he genuinely wants you to have a good weekend because he recognises that he’s let you down. Has he apologised? Has he said he how and when he will make this disappointment up to you? Only you know if this is a deal maker or breaker, but further context is needed. Sometimes we have to let down the ones we love, it’s a fact of life, it sucks to feel hurt and disappointed, but it’s not always the be all and end all. If it becomes a regular occurrence then it’s a problem of course.

It is a job he would love and it is more money. He did apologise but he never tried to rearrange with me and has gone out of his way to not speak to me since he told me, granted, I did say I don't think I can do it anymore but where's his fight? He did say it would make life easier as it's hybrid working but I don't see how as we live in different countries (both uk). How many times do I give it? What if there's another reason next time?

OP posts:
SeriouslyStressed · 27/09/2024 22:23

Don't send him any money

Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 22:30

Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 22:14

It is a job he would love and it is more money. He did apologise but he never tried to rearrange with me and has gone out of his way to not speak to me since he told me, granted, I did say I don't think I can do it anymore but where's his fight? He did say it would make life easier as it's hybrid working but I don't see how as we live in different countries (both uk). How many times do I give it? What if there's another reason next time?

Show quote history

Ok so this extra information is helpful. It’s a step forward in life for him and he also thinks it would work better for your relationship as if it’s hybrid then he might be able to WFH from your home at times? He apologised and you told him you thought you would need to end the relationship so now he is not really communicating with you - he’s backing off to give you some space and time to think perhaps? I don’t get the fight thing, it sounds like what people say in a romcom. If this is the first time he’s let you down then I think throwing in the towel seems a bit harsh, but we all have different boundaries. It wouldn’t be enough to end if for me, I’d give someone a second chance but unlikely a third.

Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 22:30

SeriouslyStressed · 27/09/2024 22:23

Don't send him any money

It’s the other way around…

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 22:34

I think he's blocked me on social media now but not on the phone but likely deleted my number so I guess he doesn't want to know even if i change my mind. I don't know what to think. Why say he would do everything to change the time and then not try? Made me feel like he would move heaven and earth this time and then didn't. We were so excited

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 22:51

Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 22:34

I think he's blocked me on social media now but not on the phone but likely deleted my number so I guess he doesn't want to know even if i change my mind. I don't know what to think. Why say he would do everything to change the time and then not try? Made me feel like he would move heaven and earth this time and then didn't. We were so excited

That sounds like an extreme reaction from him, unless your conversation with him really sounded like you had called the whole thing off for good? Maybe he thinks you are definitely broken up now and that it’s all over, it sounds like it? If you were really clear then he is just respecting your decision isn’t he? Maybe things will be different once the dust has settled, but it sounds like he thinks you have called it off for good because of the job interview, and so he has accepted that this was a red line for you and there is no going back.

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 22:54

I did say I was done when he told me and cut him off. I have no idea if I should fix this or how I fix it if I do.

OP posts:
ProvincialLady2024 · 27/09/2024 22:55

End it.

Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 22:58

Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 22:54

I did say I was done when he told me and cut him off. I have no idea if I should fix this or how I fix it if I do.

Right so you’ve ended it and cut him off. That’s an end to it isn’t it? You didn’t end it on a whim, you ended it because it wasn’t working for you. Not sure what else to suggest. Maybe you’re feeling a bit raw and in a few days you will see it was the right decision for you? Maybe nothing needs to be fixed, it is what it is?

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 23:00

Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 22:58

Right so you’ve ended it and cut him off. That’s an end to it isn’t it? You didn’t end it on a whim, you ended it because it wasn’t working for you. Not sure what else to suggest. Maybe you’re feeling a bit raw and in a few days you will see it was the right decision for you? Maybe nothing needs to be fixed, it is what it is?

Show quote history

You're making me see another perspective though. It is a job he really wants. If I love him, should I be supporting him even if that means I'm still waiting for just one day together after many months or should he be trying to fix it as he's let me down and yes I said I'm done but should he fight or not?

OP posts:
cantpullthetrigger · 27/09/2024 23:01

You told him it is over.

He has taken your word for it.

It may be too late now to reverse that, even with a heartfelt apology for your (over)reaction.

Only you can decide if:

  • you want him back
  • you are prepared to apologise for calling it off
MeganM3 · 27/09/2024 23:01

No point trying to fix it. He's leading you up the garden path anyway. If he wanted to see you he would.

Guavafish1 · 27/09/2024 23:02

I’d take the money… it’s your time he wasting… then end it

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 23:03

MeganM3 · 27/09/2024 23:01

No point trying to fix it. He's leading you up the garden path anyway. If he wanted to see you he would.

This is my fear. If he wants to see me instead of offering me money for this weekend why not say he will arrange to see my the following weekend or something?

OP posts:
QueenCamilla · 27/09/2024 23:05

@Whatalife88
I wouldn't enter a long distance relationship full stop.
You have all these whys, whats and wheres because of the setup you have. It's a side effect of being long distance - the never really knowing, never having or feeling the answers.
Even best of friendships cool or peter out altogether at a mere 10mile distance, as there just isn't enough opportunity for shared bonding experiences.

I'd call it a day and find someone to form a secure and close bond with.

Arlanymor · 27/09/2024 23:10

Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 23:00

You're making me see another perspective though. It is a job he really wants. If I love him, should I be supporting him even if that means I'm still waiting for just one day together after many months or should he be trying to fix it as he's let me down and yes I said I'm done but should he fight or not?

Show quote history

Editing because I misread your post.

Of course you are entitled to be disappointed and upset, and if you feel you’ve been waiting a really long time to spend 24 hours with him then it can feel heart wrenching. I had an 8,000 mile long distance relationship in the past. It’s not easy, but you also have to be realistic. You said he didn’t make any effort to change the date despite saying he would - but what did he actually say?

As I said before when people say that others should ‘fight’ for a relationship I think that’s a bit of a romcom storyline - relationships can be difficult and they can involve disagreements of course, but you shouldn’t have to fight to make them work, that’s a hiding to nothing. He may feel that he cannot fix it because you’ve made it clear it is over, you’ve said it’s done. So he’s taken your word for it.

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 23:21

He said a week or so ago that if he got called for an interview he would reschedule it if it fell during the time he should be with me because nothing is going to prevent us seeing each other this time and then yesterday he calls me and he says they want him for interview next week so he can't make it, he will send me money to have a good weekend instead, said he understands if I've had enough, asked me if I was mad, said he was really nervous ringing to tell me, I said I was done as I've stuck by through everything and he can't manage one day and I don't feel a priority. He said sorry and that he understands, told me he loves me and then I hung up. He didn't say to me 'can I come see you next week instead' or anything like that.

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 27/09/2024 23:24

He could have rearranged it and then rung to say 'listen I've had to move it but I've booked for the weekend after because I can't wait to finally see you'

How many months had it been going on?

Original poster
Whatalife88 · 27/09/2024 23:26

PullTheBricksDown · 27/09/2024 23:24

He could have rearranged it and then rung to say 'listen I've had to move it but I've booked for the weekend after because I can't wait to finally see you'

How many months had it been going on?

This is my point.

We were supposed to see each other in July but he unfortunately was quite unwell and so we had to set it back a couple months, so we haven't seen each other since the first quarter of the year!

OP posts: