Disengaged with toddler

[Eyeofthetiger30]

I am struggling to engage with my just turned 2yo. Although I take him to at least one class, soft play, role play on my days off with him, during the rest of the time I’m struggling to do more than sit in front of the tv with him. He does play with his toys independently and with me some of the time. I feel I am failing as a mother. I think I may have depression as I can’t muster up much more than to put the tv on. He is often playing with just the tv on in the background, but this is not what I envisaged for my days off with him - I just don’t seem to have the energy to plan much more with him. Not sure what to do.

Hi OP, this sounds tough. I hope you are okay and getting some support. Do you have any friends with similarly aged children? Perhaps you could arrange something with them. I always find things a bit tougher when the weather turns. How about putting them in puddlesuit and wellies and doing some puddle jumping?

It is so so hard. Can you break the day into really predictable blocks and make yourself do them regardless of weather etc.
i had a routine like this at 2 yrs:
7am breakfast and tidy up (toddler “helped” with tidy up)
8am get changed and read 3 or 4 books
9am bit of CBeebies and free play
10-11.30 get out of the house and do anything that includes running around to bring off steam
11.45 lunch and then get ready for nap
12-2 nap

basically repeat in the afternoon then do a long bath and into bed by 7

Op, I just want you to know that you really shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
There are a lot of different types of mothers, and they all find a way to connect with their children in their own pace.

I'm not the type of mum to sit down with my children and play with them and their toys. I hated doing that when they were little, and time seemed to creep by so slowly.
Playing is something my children have learned to do by themselves, with other children, with their siblings. They don't ask me now to come and play with their toys. They are more than capable of doing that on their own (they are 3 and 5)

Things I do enjoy doing with my children:

• Going on an activity, like swimming, going to the park, petting zoo
• Active play, like cuddling, running after them and catching them, tickling, rolling over the floor basically
• Involving them in my day-to-day household tasks. Going grocery shopping, cooking (yes, even at 2 years old), making snacks, doing laundry (give them a hamper of socks to match while you're folding), tidying up, ...

As a society we expect so much of mothers. We shouldn't be expecting ourselves to entertain our children for an entire day. We're too focussed on making sure our children are always having fun and learning and developing new skills. Rather than just including your child in the things you're doing in your regular day. Otherwise you'll end up having to tend to the entire house after your child has gone to sleep, when you need that time to recharge your batteries.

Be kind to yourself. Your child is 2. These are the most exhausting years of your life. No wonder you're exhausted all the time. It does get easier. In my case, my oldest having a sibling to play with all the time took away a lot of the pressure I put on myself. I don't have to entertain them, they have each other for that. Just find out what works for you. You really shouldn't be devoting your whole day to playing with them.

I struggle hanging out my toddler too and feeling I should be doing more either them on my days off, I try not to feel guilty and accept that it's because of tiredness and not because I am a crap parent.

You sound like you're doing a perfectly adequate job even by the most critical out there. You keep them warm, fed, safe, loved. Independent play is normal at their age, they often just want you to be in the same room as them with a bit of chat, smiles and cuddles.

If you feel it is depression then definitely talk to your GP.