Toilet Phobia

[Notsurewhatodohere]

I have a shy teen with some social anxiety who won’t eat or drink at school because he doesn’t want to use school toilets. He said this is partly because they just have one stall and the rest are urinals but also because there are always other kids hanging around in there. Has anyone else dealt with this? I can’t think of a solution that would work for him at the moment and I don’t think he would be willing to speak with a counsellor. I make sure he has a packed lunch and water every day and he will eat an drink plenty when he gets home but nothing at school… sometimes he doesn’t want to eat breakfast either but I make sure he has something. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you.

Firstly can I say I have the upmost sympathy for your child. I myself was worried to use the school loos due to the behaviour of other kids.

May I ask if the school has an accessible toilet, which given your child’s anxiety, in my opinion they would be more than qualified to use.

I used to wait until everyone had gone back to class and then I would use the toilet. I would be late obviously, but to me that was the lesser of the two evils at the time.

I was like this, I used to go home for lunch is that an option? If it’s not then I would suggest he goes during a lesson rather than at lunch, less likely to be other pupils there.

Does the school offer a ‘toilet pass?’ At my DS school some pupils are allowed one which means they can use the toilet during class time. It might be worth asking and explaining how anxious he is.

OP I have done this since that age but more due to cleanliness.

I'm sorry he's going through that. It's awful.

What about going during lessons or using the disabled toilet? I occasionally managed to sneak in the teacher's toilets (not advising that)

I do this as an adult. Practically dehydrate myself if it means I can avoid using our work loos which are not in the slightest bit private. My ds also does it at school and says a lot of his friends feel the same. I would ask for a toilet pass so he can go in lesson time.

Thank you for your messages and suggestions it’s good to know that he’s not alone and you all survived this somehow yourselves. I’m running out of ideas. He’s said that he tried going during class time but that’s when there are kids hanging around in the toilets avoiding class I thought it would be quieter then but he said, why would they hang around in the toilets during the lunch break. Apparently there’s only one stall in the toilet blocks and the rest are urinals. The only toilet that he feels comfortable using is the solo accessible one because no-one else in there but he said it’s nearly always in use. I’ve suggested that he comes home for lunch but it’s tricky as I think he wants to fit in and be with his friends more than he wants to eat.
I was considering asking if he could use the staff toilet but I think he’d be mortified if I did this and also at some point he does needs to be able to cope with this type of situation although I do understand why he doesn’t feel comfortable with it. He’s been having stomach pains probably from fasting then eating a lot when he gets home so has agreed to talk to the family doctor about that. I’ll give the doctor a heads up first and hope that he can help. I don’t think DS would be up for talking to a counsellor but I’m thinking I might have to say to him that I’m really worried about him not eating and we will need to get their advice if he can’t find a solution that involves him eating during the day, do you think it’s ok to say that to him or would that be unhelpful? Thank you!

I know I'm months late answering this but I wondered what had happened. At my first school (aged 5-8), the boys toilets only had one "stall" and a huge trough. But they soon realised how ridiculous this was (for one thing, if the "stall" was out of order, the boys had to be allowed to use the teacher's). So the toilets were adapted to offer three "stalls" and I know the boys felt so much better about it because they didn't worry that it would be in use.

(Sorry, "stall" in inverted commas because they weren't partitioned with doors like ours.)