Am I wrong?

[Motherbear73]

Hi everyone, I’m sorry iv put the topics as human rights just I didn’t know what to put it as.

im just wanting some advice from people who dont know me.

long story short my husbands mum has always been awful to me and me and him to be fair. She never came to our wedding, always fallen out with us for silly things. She wasn’t talking to us when we had our first child and then again fell out with us not long after we had our second. And these are just a few things.

any way I completely/we completely cut them off and just tried to carry on raising our little ones. My husband was really sad he didn’t have his mum and dad in his life, even though he knows what his mum is. His nan didn’t even leave her anything in her will and she wasn’t speaking to her when she died either so it’s not just us, this woman is not very nice to everyone to be honest but I compromised and said to my husband if you want to forgive and move on you do but leave me out of it and just go to thier house, take our little ones and have a relationship for the sake of the kids. Which is what he wanted.

any way almost 12 months on, his mum has never ever apologised for anything she has ever done and that’s fine if that’s what she wants to do. She expects me to ‘just move on’ regardless of all the awful things she has done but I want to be happy and I don’t want to be around people who think it’s ok to treat me like crap so I’m putting my foot down now after 16 years.

any way his mum has decided she wants to go to the cinema with my husband and to be honest I just feel like it’s really disrespectful. I totally understand him ‘letting things go’ and being friendly and spending time with her for the sake of our children but this woman who put an awful shadow on our wedding day and we will never forget that, has been so cruel in so many ways just thinks she can do what she wants, when she wants and my husband just kinda lets her.

truth be told I think really our relationship should come to an end. He doesn’t really respect me and Iv stayed with him, unhappy really in a lot of ways due to the behaviour that’s been accepted from his family.

do you think I’m being out of order thinking this is taking the mick?

I just feel really disrespected?

thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️🙏🏻

I think you'd be better putting this under relationships rather than human rights op.

Anyway, I can't comment on whether or not you should leave the relationship as you haven't really explained what he's done other than the behaviour of his family.

I think I'd accept that my partners mum is their mum and if he wants to have a relationship with her then I'd be supportive of that provided I didn't need to hear anything about it or see her and engage with her. I'd prefer that to telling him he can't see her and then it cause a rift if something happened to her and he ended up resenting you.

Are you being expected to spend time with his mum or is your dh doing what you agreed and is spending time with her without you having to see her?

I can't see any reason why I'd be issuing an ultimatum after so long if you're not seeing her unless she's directly harmful to your kids or is bad mouthing you in front of your children. It sounds like your dh has tried to support you and issued boundaries and now he's trying to navigate having some level of relationship with his parents while still recognising that they are very difficult people.

I'd let him spend the time with her, let him take the kids and enjoy some time to yourself to do what you want to do and not give it a second thought provided he doesn't tolerate bad mouthing you when they're there. He's his own person and it's not for you to dictate his family relationships although I do sympathise with you.

I completely agree with @Lavender14

I don't know what issues you have in your marriage that aren't discussed here, so I can't say whether or not you should leave your husband.

But you should never make someone choose between their mother or you. That's completely unreasonable.
I think you're perfectly justified not to want to see his mum yourself, or to choose not to forgive her for what she's done to you in the past. But if he wants to have a relationship with his mother, that's his choice, and you as his wife should be supportive.
As long as he's not pressuring you to come along and play nice, if he's respectful of your boundaries, he's doing the best he can and he deserves some credit and acknowledgement for that.

This has nothing to do with human rights. End your marriage, obviously, if it’s unhappy and you feel things are not fixable, but it seems very odd to do it over your husband seeing a film with his mother whom you dislike but told him he could have a relationship with as long as it didn’t involve you.