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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So unhappy - hug please

9 replies

Livvymac · 26/09/2024 18:43

I'm so unhappy in my current relationship. My partner constantly makes me doubt myself and my perception of events. We are both divorced and have grownup children who have their own lives. I live in my partners home and have no assets or money of my own and lost my job a few months ago. I have been looking for work but live in the rural SW and there is nothing around for a fifty something at the moment. I have an elderly mother who lives a couple of hundred miles away and I could possibly stay with her for a short time. I don't even have the money to get to her let alone take my belongings. I have no friends and posting this has made me realise just how hopeless my situation has become and how trapped I feel. I know there are no solutions but just had to get it off of my chest. Sorry for the ramble and thanks for reading.

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 26/09/2024 18:45

Hi, really feel for you right now. I understand how relationships can make you feel isolated. Sending a hug. If you need to talk reach out x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/09/2024 19:00

Do your adult children know the full extent of the abuse?. Abuse thrives on secrecy and you need to open up to trusted people.

Contact Womens Aid online via their chat, they can discuss your options. Can you go to Boots and ask for Ani, the staff can direct you to domestic violence support services. Can you speak to your GP?

Do you have any access to money? You are not trapped with no way out but you’re in an abusive relationship. Coercive control like this is a crime. Your partner has gaslit you to the point where you doubt your own reality.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 26/09/2024 20:03

Can you reach out to your family, your DM or DC?
There's no shame in admitting what's going on and asking for help.
If someone in my family reached out I'd swoop in on my broomstick and help them, no judgement.
If you can't face family contract women's aid.
Do you receive any benefits if you're not working, just thinking if you applied and got one payment you could use it to do a flit.
If your dm would take you in would she be likely to send you some money to get to hers?

Original poster
Livvymac · 26/09/2024 20:09

Thank you for all your kind replies. I did look to apply for benefit but needed to give his financial details in my claim which he didn't want to do. Everyone thinks he is such a good man and he is to others I just seem to be the exception to the rule. Tbh I don't trust myself to make any decisions anymore or even if the way I'm seeing things are how they are. I do try to speak to him about how I feel but he always say "wow" and twists it so that I'm the unreasonable one. He is not physically abusive to me in anyway

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 26/09/2024 20:10

Please reach out to your Mum and ask if you can come and stay. Ask her for enough money to travel to her and tell her the reaon why. Once there you can have some breathing space and look at your options. As others have said Womens Aid is a good place to start for advice and support.

Whoyoutakingto · 26/09/2024 20:17

Sending a big 🥰 So …..ask one of your kids to send you £100 or ask them all to contribute to £100. Say to them that you will pay them back when you can. Pack a bag and do go to your Mum’s, contact WA from that area and let them help you.
My kids would 100% do this for me and each other as would any member of my family or friends. Don’t be embarrassed, he should be ashamed not you, reach out please.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 26/09/2024 20:17

Please contact Women’s Aid, OP.
You have been pushed into a situation where you are to afraid to enquire about benefits.
This man clearly has you isolated in every way but you are NOT alone.
Muster every bit of courage you have and speak to your closest family member. It doesn’t matter how he presents himself - all that matters is that you need to leave.
Go and stay with your mum. I bet she should be glad of your company.
I know our possessions matter but what counts most here is you - if you can arrange to get to your mum’s, even with a few things, you can start again.
Please keep posting and getting support on here. The team at Women’s Aid also provide fantastic practical and emotional support.
You are suffering but no longer in silence.
Sending so many hugs.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 26/09/2024 20:19

Whoyoutakingto · 26/09/2024 20:17

Sending a big 🥰 So …..ask one of your kids to send you £100 or ask them all to contribute to £100. Say to them that you will pay them back when you can. Pack a bag and do go to your Mum’s, contact WA from that area and let them help you.
My kids would 100% do this for me and each other as would any member of my family or friends. Don’t be embarrassed, he should be ashamed not you, reach out please.

Fantasic advice.

Bantai · 26/09/2024 22:05

Please ring Women's aid.
You are isolated and being emotionally abused and controlled coercively.
That is a crime.
Please help yourself by gathering essential paperwork, a few clothes and get a bus to the nearest town.
Ask for help from a police station.
Can you contact your children for help to get you to your mothers?
Please reach out for help.

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