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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Joint finances

5 replies

Reds212223 · 26/09/2024 16:34

I need some outside advice please.
After recently telling my DH I was unhappy in our marriage due to some issues with his young adult DD amongst others,
I then found out he has made a will behind my back, with his DD as executor, leaving everything to her & a v small amount to me. I do not have a problem with everything being left to her, the problem arises from his including me in the will, then stating her as the executor - which makes me question his trust in me and what he actually sees me as?!
We both have children from previous relationships and when we got married after a whirlwind romance, shortly before which I was diagnosed with cancer, he moved into my property with his DD, renting his own property out. He never contributed to the roof over their head, just contributed half towards bills & a small amount towards food, despite the fact he earns over 2.5 times my salary.
He states that I always said I was “independent” and could support myself.
He now has a whole lot of savings, having watched me financially struggle during the early part of our marriage - during which I often commented on finding a 2nd job, but never felt I could outright ask for a bigger contribution from him and he never offered.
I am now feeling extremely stupid and taken for granted, for trying to be the model wife.
We have attempted marriage counselling but I just don’t feel like I will ever get over a) the will b) how he has treated me financially up to this point.
I feel like his plan all along was to build up the biggest inheritance possible for his DD, with no consideration along the way of how this left me financially & how my DD’s missed out because of that.
Everyone close to me that I have spoken to have told me to run a mile, but he says they would say that as they’re my friends!
Please could you give me your honest opinion.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 26/09/2024 16:36

I mean to be honest he’s a bit of an idiot. You’re married, so if he’s been building his savings etc during the marriage then you’re entitled to some of those as part of divorce- which is what I’d be doing if I was you.

BeMintBee · 26/09/2024 16:38

I would get a solicitor and get divorced. You will be entitled to a fair split of the marital assets and you can protect yours and your dd’s financial future.

angstypant · 26/09/2024 17:34

Pretty sure any savings would be considered marital assets and he won't be able to just disinherit you as his wife.

Pumpkinpie1 · 26/09/2024 18:06

Get some legal advice OP . I’d consider writing your own Will leaving your assets to your family & not his .
He doesn’t sound as if he values you his wife , so protect your own interests & don’t expect him to do the right thing

Reds212223 · 26/09/2024 18:14

It’s more the deceit over him recently writing a will without my knowledge that bothers me & the fact he willingly watched me financially struggle over the years, which I guess I’d turned a blind eye to, until realising I was no longer happy. I genuinely don’t want anything from him if we were to divorce.
I guess I’m more looking for reassurance that I’m not being unreasonable & does anyone actually believe that he didn’t realise what he was doing financially!

OP posts:
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