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Original poster

Problem with Friend

27 replies

LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 14:41

I am having an issue with my friend. She has just become very blunt and distant with me after I had to cancel seeing her two times. The first was when I hurt my knee badly so I couldn't meet up with her. The other was when I was urgently asked to cover for a colleague who had to go off sick when there was noone else available. I have offered her a third date to meet up with her but all.she said was cant be helped. Don't know what to do as it's not as if I'm making excuses not to see her.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/09/2024 14:51

You can’t do anything. Just give it time.

Original poster
LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 15:19

How do I give it time?

OP posts:
SauviGone · 26/09/2024 15:25

Did you give her enough notice or was she sat there like a lemon waiting for you? Did you actually apologise?

It sounds like the second time was a last minute cancellation, and possibly the first one was too, so I can see why she's not that interested in arranging a third one.

All you can do is message to say you're really sorry about cancelling the last two arranged meet ups, you'd like to get together with her soon but you understand if she doesn't want to.

Original poster
LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 15:46

No she wasn't sat there like a lemon waiting for me. The first time wasn't a last minute cancellation and neither was the second one. She knew about them. Don't think it's my problem.

OP posts:
Smithhy · 26/09/2024 15:52

How much notice did you give her?

Original poster
LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 15:55

5 days.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 26/09/2024 15:55

Maybe she feels like you don't want to see her so is saving herself the embarrassment of another cancellation? Or maybe she's just irritable. I'd just keep suggesting another date but make sure it's one you can definitely keep (not sure how you ensure that though!)

BeMintBee · 26/09/2024 15:57

Depends really maybe she was already feeling that the friendship was a bit one sided and two cancellations in a row have given her pause for thought? Only you know what your friendship is like. How often do you normally meet up?

category12 · 26/09/2024 15:59

She's allowed to feel pissed off and reluctant to make another date if you've blown her off twice in a row.

Maybe it couldn't be helped but she feels how she feels.

Give her a bit of space to think about it and maybe try again in a week or two.

Bestyearever2024 · 26/09/2024 16:05

LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 15:19

How do I give it time?

Don't contact her for a period of time. Let her cool down for some time

Original poster
LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 16:07

Well, we meet 6 times a year so I think I'll give it two more weeks then contact her to see how she's feeling. It couldn't be helped and I can't stop her feeling the way she chooses.

OP posts:
movingonok · 26/09/2024 16:10

Am I picking up a hint of anger here? Do you feel she is being unreasonable?

Original poster
LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 16:11

No not angry I guess just puzzled.

OP posts:
LolaJ87 · 26/09/2024 16:18

I would feel like your friend to be honest. The first time is one thing, but the second time sounds made up (a colleague was sick and cover couldn't be found with 5 days to spare?)

Your friend might not get out much, might have booked a babysitter or a blowdry or turned down other invitations to see you. It comes off like you don't value their time in that your attitude isn't "I'm really sorry I let you down twice in a row" but rather "it couldn't be helped".

Original poster
LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 16:28

I'm not making the second cancellation one up at all. I do value my friends company actually. I didn't say it could be helped she said that. I did apologise profusely to her as well.

OP posts:
BeMintBee · 26/09/2024 16:30

LolaJ87 · 26/09/2024 16:18

I would feel like your friend to be honest. The first time is one thing, but the second time sounds made up (a colleague was sick and cover couldn't be found with 5 days to spare?)

Your friend might not get out much, might have booked a babysitter or a blowdry or turned down other invitations to see you. It comes off like you don't value their time in that your attitude isn't "I'm really sorry I let you down twice in a row" but rather "it couldn't be helped".

I agree and also if you only see her 6 times a year that’s not often so how far apart has you two cancellations pushed your meet ups? If it’s just a few days or a week that’s not a massive issue but if it’s several weeks or a month she may feel a bit hurt.

generally speaking when people respond as your friend has it’s from a place of feeling a bit hurt. Maybe she really looks forward to seeing you and feels down about the cancellations and is misconstruing it as being brushed off.

the way you say “it’s not my problem” makes you sound a bit dismissive and uncaring about your friend to be honest.

LolaJ87 · 26/09/2024 16:32

You're contradicting yourself a lot though e.g.

"The other was when I was urgently asked to cover for a colleague who had to go off sick when there was noone else available."

"The first time wasn't a last minute cancellation and neither was the second one. She knew about them. Don't think it's my problem."

Was it urgent or did you accept an extra shift in work despite having arrangements with your friend? I'm not saying you made it up but it sounds a bit that way, like a crap excuse to someone you had already recently cancelled on.

Original poster
LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 16:35

Well, my final word here on this forum on the matter is I'll contact her in 2 weeks to clear the air. Thank you.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 26/09/2024 16:38

Your communication style on here has been quite blunt so if you are the same with her, I can see why she is feeling hurt.

Boomer55 · 26/09/2024 16:57

You sound unreliable. Give your friend some time.

WhatNoRaisins · 26/09/2024 17:15

Could she have been burned by flaky people in the past? I think that can make some people quite sensitive with other relationships. She might be wrongly interpreting this as you giving her the brush off.

AskZoltar · 26/09/2024 17:19

Hillrunning · 26/09/2024 16:38

Your communication style on here has been quite blunt so if you are the same with her, I can see why she is feeling hurt.

Yes, can imagine OP bringing the gavel down after that last post!

Notamum12345577 · 01/10/2024 14:11

LimeScroller · 26/09/2024 16:28

I'm not making the second cancellation one up at all. I do value my friends company actually. I didn't say it could be helped she said that. I did apologise profusely to her as well.

First time can’t be helped. As you had cancelled that first time, I would probably have said no to work for the 2nd one.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 01/10/2024 14:14

Ouuuch 2 cancellations in quick succession. I wouldn’t be trusting you neither OP.

beanii · 01/10/2024 14:53

@LimeScroller so you cancelled 5 days ahead with your knee? Could you honestly not have gone? Surely you could've met somewhere or invited her over instead?

5 days is a lot in advance for a knee injury I think.

You don't seem bothered that you cancelled on her at all.

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