Sex

[Kennamae]

Hi girls I need advice , me and my partner haven’t done anything sexual for 4 weeks , the other day he got a b*ner when we were in bed cuddling and he moved straight away and didn’t come near me after that . He’s usually all over it and for the past month he doesn’t seem to be interested in it at all , we go to sleep not cuddling , barely kiss and I feel like I’m the reason . Has anyone got any advice or been through this ?

Girls? 🙄

I thought it was just women on here. No need to be sarcastic I've only come on to ask for advice.

Exactly .. women 🤦🏻‍♀️

Maybe he's got crabs ?
Maybe you've got crabs ?

A) you can swear on here
B) boner is not a swear word

How is your relationship in general OP? Has anything changed in the last 4 weeks other than this? Is anyone working/out more than normal? Any arguments?

Do people on here not talk to their partners and ask them?
How are we to know the reason. You need to ask him.

None of the above fortunately

Thanks for the sin sight.

Classic MN. 90% of the posts are nitpicking a word or phrase from the OP's question, rather than actually responding to the question asked.

So, OP, it could be any number of things.

Tired
Something health related
Cheating
Upset with you
Sexual incompatibility (are you demanding in bed, not letting him enjoy it?)
Did you criticise or mock him about something in bed?
Stress
Fallen out of love
Using you (does he get lots of perks, like its your apartment, you cook, clean, etc, and this is just an easy life)
He just not that into sex
Closet gay

Ask him.

If something has changed and you don't know why, it seems like in most cases it is something that has changed within him. Unfortunately a lot of these things would be bad news, like he might be considering cheating or ending the relationship. Or it could be some medical problem that he's keeping a secret. Have you tried talking with him at all about this? How does he react?

He has a headache.

Talk to him! My mam used to say to me, if you can't talk about sex with someone you've got no business having sex with them.

You just need to ask him what's going on. There's no one size fits all advice for "sex has stopped", all we'll be able to do is speculate and as this is Mumsnet I'm sure someone will be here to gleefully insist that he's definitely shagging the neighbour or his boss or your Amazon delivery driver or he's actually a gay cross dressing swinger and has been hiding it from you.

Please just talk to your partner.

STI

You need to ask him. It's hurtful and difficult to bring up for sure but you need to. In my experience (of 2 husbands) one time it happened it was him having an affair and the second time he was on a new medication and it killed his sex drive.

ETA it was one time per husband.

@Kennamae - assuming this is a big change from before, then you should ask him about it. See what he says. If you’re in a sexual relationship with someone, you have to be able to talk to them about this kind of thing. If you can’t, that’s a real problem. Unfortunately, my instinctive thought is that he has discovered he has an STI but doesn’t want to explain how he came by it. But talk to him and see what he says.

I think you may be quite young - female posters on here generally think of themselves as women not girls (ie adults not children) and referring to us as ‘girls’ hits the wrong note. I’m in my 50s - definitely not a girl. But I’m guessing you’re quite young and it lands differently for you. Really we needs a female equivalent of the word ‘guys’!

I mean, if he got a boner whilst you were cuddling, sexual attraction isn't the issue. We've established he can get it up for you. I'm putting money on he's met someone else and is remaining faithful to them.
Best thing you can do is sit down and talk about it. Just explain you don't feel like you're getting the sexual attention you want and is there anything you can do to help the situation? Does he want to spice it up?

If he shuts off and says something along the lines of.... 'dunno just tired' or 'i just don't feel like it' or 'i can't be bothered' hate to say it girl but his heads turned.