Want to run off, live alone & put energy into women's rights

[CantBelieveNaive]

Am 52, exhausted after raising two teenagers, running a business and supporting husband in high powered job.

Usual story, supported husband personally, emotionally and aced business role in the company, done most life admin, all childcare, drop off etc, educational research, so his career has taken off.

Trouble is now I have lost myself, had loads of health issues and hit menopause, got hrt sorted at last but its all been an exhausting battle.

Ive got the nice house, car, kids, lifestyle but TBH its not enough as all I want is to be left alone, in peace, to focus on me and my wants for a change.

Fighting for women's rights gets my juices flowing but most other things leave me cold and uninterested.

How do I balance the two and be happy without hiding my true self and what truly makes me feel alive?

I'm putting on a front at the moment but don't know how long it can last.

Honestly am heart broken and exhausted x

There’s a lot to unpack from your post so I will keep my main thoughts simple:

• many women feel like you I am sure.. I think I will be one but I am still at toddler phase.. and already knackered!!!
• go on holiday. Alone or with a friend. Not with your DH or kids. A long trip. Relax and enjoy peace- just for you. You’ve earnt this.
• Listen to your calling - you would be an asset for a charity op and I’m sure any would welcome you with open arms.
• find some more balance for yourself in your family - after all the sacrifices you’ve made for others what do you want now? It’s your time to take back for yourself and refill your cup.

don’t underestimate what you have achieved. A lifetimes’ work which I am sure shows in your family and all they have achieved and done whilst you ran the show. Be kinder to yourself xxxxx

Why are you hiding your true self? Your children are grown now aren’t they? So they don’t need the same level of parenting. Your husbands career is sorted and you have a nice life in terms of materialism. So, just do what you want to do. Get involved with women’s rights. That will be time for yourself. Take some time out to just relax. Do what you find soothing. Tell your husband you need it and you’re not asking permission. You don’t need to move out to do that. You’ll prob find you feel much better just making that time for yourself. You only get one life, you’ve given your all for your family and now it’s time for you to have something for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve earned it. So do it. What are you waiting for?

Thank you @TipsyJoker @babyproblems there's not much in reality but me that's holding me back but I can't muster the energy or self belief to finally do something for myself. Its so frustrating but think I am approaching burn out 🙏🙏

I will also say that it sounds like financially things are fine - use that to your benefit in this situation - get whatever you need to find a way to catch a break. Cleaner/gardener/declutter expert/travel agent - tell them you need X doing and just to sort it. Take something back from the family pot - it’s time for what you’ve built to support you back! Whatever that looks like. You could also do a dietician or nutritionist, or even just your GP - if you’re feeling crap that could also be a good place to start. Self care in the form of a holiday etc is great but I would spend some time just sorting the basics if you feel close to the edge mentally/physically. And then go on a lovely holiday!!! xx

Start small. Go out with a friend for a coffee. Then a spa day. Then a spa weekend. Then a week abroad. And so on. Treat yourself. Pamper yourself. Address the burn out and prevent it from happening. Self care is what is now required. Read about women’s rights. Take time to learn about the issues that women face. Watch documentaries and suchlike on the matter. Immerse yourself in your passion and the road ahead will soon become clear to you. Self care first, then follow your passion. That’s it. That’s all there is. You get one life. Live it. Stop worrying about what might or might not happen and focus on what you love. Forget everything else.

I watched a talk once about how puberty works to put you in to the group. That's why when it hits friends become so important. You need to be in group mode in order to marry, have kids, work etc. then when you hit menopause it does the reverse- the hormones work to pull you out of the group mode, which explains why so many women feel as you do when they hit their 50s. It all seems perfectly natural to me and women who have been through it all seem to say the Intensity of these feelings dies down over time. My advice is to slow down from work if you can. Take some time off and relax your body and mind. Don't forget to give attention to your marriage as they seem to be vulnerable at this time of life for many people. Get involved with your cause but take it slow and so t let it take over your life. Your best example to other women is to be happy yourself.

Please let your husband know that you are close to burn out.
Don't let it happen.
Pull back.
I would think you need to drop the rope and start telling those around you that they need to step up, children included.
Deligate and outsource.
Look at taking a holiday, retreat on your own.
You need to do this.
Burn out can take a couple of years to fully recover from.
Dont underestimate the impact on you.
Get well and investigate doing something for yourself.
The menopause drives these needs, don't ignore them.

"all I want is to be left alone, in peace, to focus on me and my wants for a change."

I'm right there with you and know other women at our stage of life who feel the same way.

Thank you so much everyone for being so kind and supportive! 💋
Have driven to a friends, gone for dinner, drank a bottle, stayed over, had a laugh and chatted into the night and feel so much better.
It's made such a difference and given me a lift. Yey 😘😘😘

Pleased you’re feeling better! Sounds to me like you’re sitting pretty with money, no care required from your own parents and all your tasks achieved. Is the ‘successful’ husband demanding of your servitude as I can’t see what the problem would be if he was supportive? You’re now free to move into the next stage of your life.

I think that's the key at this point - does he recognise everything you've done and support you in return or is it all a one way street? An annoyingly large number of men just take women's extensive support and labour for granted and then get stroppy when their support human starts expecting unreasonable stuff like time and money to spend on herself. The answer to that would hugely influence what decisions I made at this point, if I were you.