Was just watching some clip of a guy talking about how he thinks men largely just think 'she's attractive and, not a horrible person, that'll do'. And that women, in his wifes opinion, are often guilty of the same thing.
That it's a case of just wanting company or the validation from being liked. Rather than actually liking the person.
And that if we think back on our exs - how many of them, as people, did we actually like? How many of them would we have happily spent time with, just as friends if nothing else was on the table.
And I think its worth thinking about for men and women really.
It got me thinking of the guy I briefly dated for about 8 weeks recently. And I couldn't help but think through it - 'we get along but...if it was a clique situation...we'd move in different circles. Like, we'd have a passing chat in the corridor as fond acquaintances but that's about it'. So I ended it. And he was shocked. Even though surely he must have felt the same. We got on but, is that really enough?
I tend to prefer singledom but even at that I look back on the people I've dated and largely think 'I doubt I'd care enough to grab a pint with that person irl'.
That liking someone isn't the same as not disliking them+attraction.
Maybe it's just aging too. But I think I'm getting even pickier as I age haha.