Is this cheating?

[sadman70]

I'm trying to work out if I'm being really stupid, over-reacting or just need to think thing through a bit.

I'm mid 50s and happily married. I had a bit of a mental breakdown earlier in the year, but I thought I'd worked through it, and we were in a great place as a couple.

But, recently, my wife was in need of a bit of excitement, and just wanted to flirt and fool around a bit with one of our neighbours. I was a bit apprehensive, but we talked it through, I expressed my limits with what I'd be comfortable with and she got to have her fun, and it turned us both on, all was good.

It has been repeated a couple of times since, but it turns out she broke one of my limits. We talked, and she basically justified it, focussing on the act being a bit of fun, but never acknowledged that she had hurt me by ignoring my limits on it.

It all feels like she's kinda cheated on me. I'm still really upset by it. She refuses to share details of what happened - saying she thinks somethings are private.

Am I stupid to think this is cheating? Should I just forget about it. It's been done. I still love her, she still loves me. We're not going to split up over it, but it just still hurts.

You have played a dangerous game with the idea that it was exciting. You have now got burnt, cheating is simply overstepping the mark with behaviour that your partner finds acceptable to you. She has done this, so yes she has cheated. However you have facilitated this, so have to take responsibility too.

You went down the cuckold path, neglecting the fact that once a person is in a one on one situation and its gone beyond flirting to 'fooling around ' ( whatever that means) its going to be awkward and hard to pull back in that situation, especially once the other man has got his dander up through it.
So no surprise that your limits were breached, it was highly predictable.
Either agree to be a full cuckold if it excites you, or stop the experiment, as half way is asking for trouble. You would always be reliant on her telling you what's happened, she can easily hide it and you'd never know. She probably only told you as she thought it might excite you more, but that has backfired and now she knows she can't push your boundaries. But if you carry on, you'll never know how far it goes as now she knows just not to tell you.

Yeah, if you agreed limits and she broke them, she broke your trust.

But that's the problem with trying to exclude particular acts with non-monogamy. I think it works better if you operate these kinds of things in a less rigid way if you're going to, as too strict rules tend to get broken in the excitement of NRE.

Also think a neighbour is an unwise choice to open your relationship with.

If you had agreed limits and she went over the line, then yes.

but it turns out she broke one of my limits.

Then, yes.

Dunno why you agreed to cuckolding in the first place anyway.

“Some things are private” Excuse me? Not when it involves another person who’s not your husband. She’s playing you for a mug mate. She won’t tell you the truth because she now knows you’d be upset by it and the reason is that she prob went waaaay beyond your set limits. Why do people think they can bring other people into their marriages and it will all work out just fine? Statistically, it won’t. Stop this now if you want to continue with your marriage. Monogamy is the way forward for you.

So they have repeated their sexual fun several times now?

@sadman70, it looks like your W has a regular FWB/Playmate on whom she is now reliant, and she feels entitled to disregard your agreed upon boundaries. She is unilaterally changing the parameters, couldn’t care less about your feelings, and is now blocking transparency.

She is making a fool of you. You don’t have to tolerate her infidelity or her manipulative justifications. You can insist on returning to monogamy, but she is unlikely to give up the thrills and will go underground.

Your marriage is now a train wreck. It would be game over for me.

I don't know what you were expecting. Someone else's sexual behaviour isn't a dial you can personally set, like deciding how brown your toast should be with the toaster settings. Where on earth are two adults supposed to draw the line between "wanting excitement, fooling around" and whatever it is that's upset you? If you send your wife off to engage sexually with another man, you need to accept that you've lost control of the situation before it's even begun.

''recently, my wife was in need of a bit of excitement, and just wanted to flirt and fool around a bit with one of our neighbours.''

I don't know what age you or your wife are but it sounds to me that she still has a raging libido and you don't. Libido is an irrational compulsion and the more you have the more it's difficult to control, common sense and morality can just disappear out the window if that desire is not fulfilled.

So you have a problem and the younger you two are the worse it is, because if she needs, to put brutally (a good shag regularly) and you cannot provide then there are only two choices, you become a cuck or you go your separate ways..
If you decide to let her indulge elsewhere, just make sure he's a lot older, a lot, and not handsome, because if she finds him physically attractive, then a more intimate relation will flourish and that will be then end of your marriage anyway.

You would be surprised how many attractive women will have sex with fairly unattractive men if they have need at a certain time, any port in a storm as they say.
I think by ''just wanted to fool around a bit with one of our neighbours.'' your you're already down that road. You never know you might enjoy it, some husbands do.

🙄
it's true I say, it's true...as