Long term relationship of 17 years. My partner cheated on me and I found evidence 2 years later in graphic form on a laptop. This floored me. I stayed with him, but the respect for him just disappeared.
Second time, I found condoms, lube, and butt plug type toys inside the boot of his car, in the part where the spare wheel is kept. He denied and said they belonged to his friend who had borrowed his car twice. I asked his friend he said they were his, which he took with himwhen he went on a casual date when he used our car.. I didnt know what to believe. Obviously partners friend is going to lie to protect him.
A few days ago, I had used my partners mobile to take some photos of our new Dogs. My mobile is not great for pic taking, and his is.
Two days ago I asked my partner if I could use his mobile to transfer pics to my mobile and he was happy for me to do so.
I did this, and then decided I would look at his text messages. Wrong I know, but I did. I found he had been conversing with a woman who I know of, and for whatever reason there was a pic of a woman in uniform, and my partner text the words " I would love to see you in this" and then pur the emoji with the tongue hanging out the side. It made me feel sick and I am still shaking with anxiety.
I went ballistic at my partner and told him that this time it is over for good. No more second chances. He wants us to stay together.
He cannot see what is wrong, that it was a joke comment. I told him I see nothing funny in that comment.
The reason why I have not left before? I cannot afford to. I am not young, have no one in my life, mental illness, I do work, but earn little and it suits me as due to being unwell I have certain limits as to what I can do without being overwhelmed and breaking down. This is a lifelong mental health illness I have.
Partner says he will give me £15,000 to leave. It is his house, and we have lived together for 15 years. I have paid into the house, made large household purchases, paid towards bills,food and other expenses. He paid the mortgage which he said he wanted to solely do.
Do I take the £15,000 and find somewhere to rent at my age, which is 58, with my pets. It may sound a fairly large sum but in terms of renting a property it will not last long.
I know what I need to do, but part of me is thinking do I give up the home and garden which I love, in order to live alone, be poor, and have no support, or do I overlook the text he sent to that woman. This is why I have not left before.
Just to add we dont sleep together, separate rooms, no affection...nothing.
Please dont respond harshly. I have no one else to ask for advice. Thank you.