Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Working out partner and I's finances

6 replies

Chickadoo · 25/09/2024 12:38

Hiya, just looking for some advice/ opinions really.

My partner and I share a house and have a baby together. I also have an older DD from a previously relationship and partner has a DS from previous relationship. But his son lives with his ex the majority of the time (easier for school etc).

Anyway, I am currently on maternity leave and not bring in too much money, my partner is work and bringing in 4x as much as me at the moment. He also works away in the forces every 3 months for 4 months. When he is away he saves a lot of money as gets all his meals paid for while away.

I am currently paying half of my earning on our house and then the other half goes towards food and my bills (phone bill etc). My partner puts more money into paying for the house (mortgage) but it is probably more like a 4th (maybe a 3rd) of his wages. He will pay for a lot of the food shopping while he's here, but when he's away I pay for it all. He has a lot of other stuff to pay for on the side (his car, child maintenance for his son, he has a loan he's paying off), which takes a lot of his money.

What I want to know is if I am getting a fair deal here? I sometimes struggle with money toward the end of the month, and feel guilty asking for any from him as he's said in the past how he is paying for the majority of the house.

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 25/09/2024 12:43

Would you be better off claiming maintenence (the same as he pays for his son) and leaving him? Is the house in joint names as tenants in common?

Financially controlling men show their true colours as soon as there's a baby and you are being financially abused.

Parker231 · 25/09/2024 12:44

Why isn’t he supporting you whilst you’re on maternity leave?

Chickadoo · 25/09/2024 13:01

He does offer to pay for nappies and baby stuff. I'm just thinking when he's away surely it shouldn't change his contribution to the food etc? As we're his family, even if he isn't eating it? Plus, am I paying more than I should be for mortgage contributions? I want to pay my way obviously, but I just feel like I'm struggling and he isn't.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 25/09/2024 13:04

Chickadoo · 25/09/2024 13:01

He does offer to pay for nappies and baby stuff. I'm just thinking when he's away surely it shouldn't change his contribution to the food etc? As we're his family, even if he isn't eating it? Plus, am I paying more than I should be for mortgage contributions? I want to pay my way obviously, but I just feel like I'm struggling and he isn't.

As a couple with children I would expect you to have access to all money - it’s family money and you have equal personal money after the payment of bills.

Mumofoneandone · 25/09/2024 13:15

The difficulty is the varying amounts of money when he is home/working away. He should be contributing the same amount of money each month to the household. This means you can plan properly.
Obviously food bills will be slightly different whether he's at home or not but most other costs will be pretty consistent!
He shouldn't be benefitting financially at your expense!

pickedplock · 25/09/2024 13:32

Crikey what job in the military is sending him away for 4 months every 3?! We do 4 months every 18 months and that has me pulling my hair out enough, he must be absolutely rinsing LSA?

Anyway, na he's being shit. You're a family, he's acting like it's a part time role. My DH does not stop paying towards our food when he's away....!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page