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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Baby Shower Blues

7 replies

Mintlimeaid · 24/09/2024 23:07

I’m having major anxiety about my baby shower. My sister and I have thrown each other’s bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and I’ve thrown her baby showers.
Now I’m pregnant and not sure what to do. My sister is no-contact with our mom. They never got along and eventually my sister decided she doesn’t want a relationship or for her kids to be around her. The rest of the family has acted like nothing happened, except disinvited our mom from holidays so my sister doesn’t continue having meltdowns.
Now that I’m pregnant, my sister is expecting to host the shower, but I haven’t confirmed with her or asked what that means for our mom. I also don’t want to expect my MIL or friends to throw it unless they offer first. My husband might be bringing it up to them to help alleviate my anxiety. But how do I go about wanting no drama? I don’t see my relationship surviving with my mom or my sister if I pick the other, or if I just expect them to decide for themselves. My sister is the drama so I feel it’s unfair to my mom, but I also want to keep my relationship with my sister. I just need to hear someone in a similar situation talk me through it. How have you handled sister/mom drama?

OP posts:
NewName24 · 24/09/2024 23:42

Well, the simplest thing in your case would seem to not have one.

Mintlimeaid · 25/09/2024 02:52

@NewName24 Honestly that was my thought as soon as I posted this. I realized I might not even want a shower seeing as I’ve never enjoyed attending or hosting one! I’m putting the cart before the horses on this issue anyway since no ultimatums have been stated yet. Just preparing and getting some opinions/seeing other people’s experiences.

OP posts:
ChanelBoucle · 25/09/2024 03:01

Are you in the US, op? If so I get the pressure to hold one as I know they’re more popular over there. But as the pp says, you really don’t have to hold one. They are by no means essential. Your pregnancy is supposed to be a special time not a stressful time, and baby showers are meant to be fun. Please don’t feel pressurised into having something ‘just because’.

CrazylazyJane · 25/09/2024 03:06

Slack the baby shower off. It's just simpler. Tell your sister that you don't want one but would love to spend an afternoon with her maybe choosing the pram or something along with a sisters lunch. I would then do an afternoon / day with your mum as a prospective granny day out over a nice lunch somewhere.

CuriousGeorge80 · 25/09/2024 03:28

@CrazylazyJane has it right, I think!

Mintlimeaid · 25/09/2024 17:27

@CrazylazyJane I think that’s a great idea! Whether a shower happens or not, making a point to spend time with them will make me feel like I at least made an effort and got to enjoy time with them during the pregnancy.

OP posts:
NMc16 · 08/02/2025 11:16

I personallly wouldn’t have one tbh if it’s going to cause this much stress

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