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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Out of order BF

30 replies

Sulksinbulk · 24/09/2024 22:40

My bf and I live together and got a dog in June. I love the dog and it was a mutual decision. I have to go abroad for work, but because it’s far and my parents live in the same country I decided I’d go the weekend before my meetings to see my parents (especially because my employer is paying!). BF is sulking that I’m going early and he has to watch the dog. We have a dog sitter who will watch the dog on all the working days I’m away. The day I get back BF is going abroad to see his own friends and I will be with the dog - no issues there. So how is this any different? He has the dog the weekend before and I have him the weekend after. Today he had a go at me calling me a chronic liar because I apparently didn’t tell him I’m going early. I did tell him and he in fact told me to stay as long as I want but now claims he didn’t mean it bc it was said in an argument. He called me a psychopath. This whole week he’s been ill and moaning I don’t take care of him or ask him if he wants a cup of tea. I’ve been working from home and been exclusively walking and feeding the dog, tidying, and doing groceries. Since we got the dog I walk the dog every morning without fail and every evening before going to work and after coming back. He just gets up in the morning, scrolls Instagram, spends 30 mins on the toilet and goes to work. I also get my daughter ready and take her to school, take the dog and then bring him back and go to work. I organize all food deliveries for the dog, walk him on weekends too, do all vet appointments. I don’t mind this. But god forbid I go to see my parents.

I don’t understand why I have to face so much angst for going to see family. AIBU?

OP posts:
MSLRT · 24/09/2024 23:01

I think you know you aren’t being unreasonable. He sounds selfish. Who will look after your daughter while you are away? I hope he is a bit nicer to her than he is to you. Does he bring anything to the relationship?

AgreeableDragon · 25/09/2024 00:52

He sounds awful!
I was thinking that she not ready for the commitment of a dog, but then you mention a child!!! I really hope he's not the father.

TheSandgroper · 25/09/2024 04:33

Have you ever thought about how happy and content you would be without him? ‘Cos I reckon if you did, being without him would be mighty attractive.

You seem to have your shit together. Except for shacking up with him.

Bananalanacake · 25/09/2024 06:31

Is he the father of your DD, if not why live with him, live separately and do what you want, you don't have to pander to a fucking controlling man.

autienotnaughty · 25/09/2024 06:45

He sounds awful why get a dog if you are not willing to share the responsibility. For gods sake don't have children with this man.

Sinisterdexter · 25/09/2024 06:50

Goodness.
You're living with a manipulative arse.
Just ignore him and enjoy seeing your parents.

pictoosh · 25/09/2024 06:58

Yes he's a lazy, entitled arse. Thinks the drudge work and sacrifice is for you, while he is above such inconveniences. The holidays and being taken care of is for him.
I don't know how you deal with that except to not.

pictoosh · 25/09/2024 07:01

And to call you a 'chronic liar' - just fuck off.
Nasty man.

AgathaKrispie · 25/09/2024 16:27

Take daughter and dog and ditch this selfish little boy.

Devon23 · 28/09/2024 12:16

Plan your escape - he's a man baby.

Moellen54 · 28/09/2024 12:19

I would arrange to leave at the first opportunity, or kick him out if its your house. He's just another child you are taking care of.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2024 12:24

Take the blinders off, op. This man is fucking horrible. Is he your daughter's father? If not, I certainly hope you aren't leaving her with him.

He needs to GTFO. None of this will get better.

CosyLemur · 28/09/2024 12:29

You both sound unreasonable

Him for moaning at you
You for moving in with a man you're not married to when you already have a child!

labamba007 · 28/09/2024 12:45

CosyLemur · 28/09/2024 12:29

You both sound unreasonable

Him for moaning at you
You for moving in with a man you're not married to when you already have a child!

She is supposed to get married then move in with someone? What a bizarre thing to say.

LiveLoveFuckEmAll · 28/09/2024 12:50

Keep the dog, dump the bf

He is jealous your off for work and visiting family without him, stupid manchild

GrazingGoat · 28/09/2024 13:07

Is he your daughter’s father?

Swiftie1878 · 28/09/2024 13:57

He sounds like a room mate, not a bf.
You need to redefine your relationship with him, then behave accordingly. He seems to believe you are something different to being partners.

Noseybookworm · 28/09/2024 20:41

He sounds like an arsehole to be honest 🤷‍♀️ was it a joint decision to get the dog? Why is it only your job to walk, feed and take care of the dog?

Findinganewme · 28/09/2024 21:07

He sounds really immature. The golden question is, whether he is your daughter’s father. If not, then take this as a big learning - do not have children with him.

Ethylred · 28/09/2024 21:10

" I love the dog and it was a mutual decision."
Does he say this too?

BBBusterkeys · 28/09/2024 21:56

replace dog with child in this scenario and you are looking at your future if you have children with this man. Who is looking after your daughter while you are away?

he does not sound like a good man. What positives does he add to your life? I think you can do better. Being on your own would be better.

Caramellie3 · 28/09/2024 21:59

A little bit of responsibility and this is how he behaves? Keep the dog change the bf.

YippyKiYay · 29/09/2024 04:14

BBBusterkeys · 28/09/2024 21:56

replace dog with child in this scenario and you are looking at your future if you have children with this man. Who is looking after your daughter while you are away?

he does not sound like a good man. What positives does he add to your life? I think you can do better. Being on your own would be better.

This is what I was going to say!

Fraaahnces · 29/09/2024 04:26

Don’t even contemplate having babies with this sulky dick.

abracadabra1980 · 29/09/2024 04:50
  1. Today he had a go at me calling me a chronic liar

    1. I did tell him and he in fact told me to stay as long as I want but now claims he didn’t mean it bc it was said in an argument. He called me a psychopath

    2. This whole week he’s been ill and moaning I don’t take care of him or ask him if he wants a cup of tea.

I've highlighted these comments as they jump out at me (as well as the fact you are clearly taking on more of the mental load than him).

This is emotional abuse, and if it's not the first time, he's starting with it. It equals total lack of respect for your feelings. That in itself equates to unable to love.

I'm highlighting this as I have been married twice. Both my marriages broke down and emotional abuse was the start of it each time.

He is also failing to teach his child how to love and respect another human being.

For the love of God, if you are financially stable, please consider leaving him. I'm not one who says LTB easily, but I don't think your relationship is going in the right direction.

Regarding your dog, I'm raising my 6th🤔 puppy and mine is the same age as yours. It's relentless hard work and exhausting. However it is way more rewarding than putting up with an abusive arsehole as a partner-I am literally living the dream now, living alone with zero abuse, two beautiful dogs and the help of an amazing dog walker.

Nothing and nobody in life is worth sacrificing peace of mind for.

I wish you all the luck in the world moving forward.