Hi all
i was married for 20 years, together for 23, two kids ages 16 and 21. We separated 5 years ago and we’re divorced. Part of the reason we separated was that he was away - a lot sometimes months on end and we had a child with very serious mental health issues and I felt lonely and sometimes really struggled to cope.
Heres my dilemma. I met someone 2 years ago, we’ve been dating for 1.5 years now but he doesn’t live near me. Initially we saw each other every other weekend because of his work schedule and now it’s almost every week because it was too hard to build a relationship with someone I only saw every two weeks and when I told him it wasn’t working for me, not as an ultimatum, he said it was too hard for him too, he wasn’t seeing his kids enough or me enough and he didn’t want to miss out on life and end up lonely because of work. The thing is, I’m still finding it hard, I guess it’s the fact that I’ve been living without a partner for 5 years now, and before that I hardly saw my husband and I felt lonely then too. I have my kids but they don’t really want to hang out with me, and I have friends (all married) that I see in the week, I work and try to keep busy but the reality is, as much as I try to fill my time, focus on me, go out, exercise, meditate, work on myself etc, I still feel really lonely, mostly in the evenings. I just find myself wishing I had someone to chat to or someone to watch tv with or someone to share life with.
Hes not able to move to me because he can’t do the job he does in London, and I can’t move to him because my daughter and son I share their time with me and their dad are at college for another year and two years respectively.
my partner is building a house in Scotland where his sister, brother in law, nieces and nephews and mum live and he’s working to get it finished asap so it can be erected out but he wants to move there when my kids have finished college. I don’t know if I want to go or not, and I certainly don’t want to move unless we’ve lived together but I just can’t see how we’ll do it until the Scotland thing happens. So I’m looking at potentially another two years of living alone and then maybe he’s live with me in London but he doesn’t like London.. and he’s keen to get back to Scotland to live and start a Yurt holiday rental business there on his land.
Hes wonderful, supportive loving and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had but the thought of two more years of goodbyes and living alone is killing me, but so is the idea of breaking up. Also if either of us has something with friends or alone and it takes up a weekend, then it’s back to not seeing each other for two weeks. I don’t feel like I’m a needy person, I’m independent and busy but I can’t shake this loneliness.
im not sure I know what I’m asking.. but what would you do. Perhaps I’ve lost perspective and I’m being selfish because he has dropped working (almost) every weekend to keep me happy.. He still needs to work
the occasional one to pay for things that have come up with the house. He calls it our house and says our life will be easier when it’s done and the financial pressure is off him.
Thanks for reading..