money

[Constance1643]

Does anyone else have a husband who refuses to discuss money? My husband is 60 so it could be the generation he was bought up in. I had to force him to have a joint account, will not discuss wills, pensions, forward retirement plans etc. He just gets very defensive and walks away. Is it me or is this very odd

Yes it’s odd and controlling to be honest. If you were to get divorced he would have to tell you everything and you’d get half x

How long have you been together?

It's not odd, it's abusive.

You have a right to know what assets you have within the marriage and how they're being managed, unless you have entirely separate finances and this was agreed at the outset of your relationship.

If he's doing this to control you in some way, then it's financial abuse, and this needs pointing out to him in no uncertain terms.

Mine is the same. It's a nightmare. Controlling and depressing. Very much she related in my husbands case. He lives in an antenatal unbuckle in many respects not just money. I strongly believe he's AS which means there is no reasoning with him either.
It's not normal in general but it is reality for some of us. I feel your pain.

We've been married 30 years. What is AS? I do feel like he is very controlling

AS autistic spectrum.

Who pays for what though in your case? How do you get your own money and are all your needs covered well?

What Ifoughtthefight wrote. What access do you have to money?.

AS does not equate to financial abuse against their spouse or partner. You may well be completely off beam there Sam.

Such men are far more likely to be abusive and in other ways too. AS is a triad of social impairments, it does not cause a person to be or become financially controlling. Nor does it equal abuse.

Have you got savings and a pension? I'd be very concerned.

He gives me an allowance for buying groceries etc. I now have a pension etc so have my own money coming in to spend but the point is, he will not discuss anything to do with money such as getting a will, what we would like to do in retirement. It seems very old fashioned and controlling. He shuts down the conversation and is defensive.

It’s a very old fashioned attitude for a man of 60. My dad was a bit like that but hes in his 80’s and he got more relaxed about talking about money as time has gone on.

Im 58 and its definitely not something I’ve seen in men my generation - their parents maybe.