I met his daughter

[Imogenbee]

I met my partner’s 17 year old daughter today as we were in the area so he offered her a lift back. He did not introduce us and I said hello. Upon meeting she looked unsettled so I don’t know if it is because of me or I know she gets a lot of people shouting horrible comments in the street as she dresses gothic. He said she is quite reserved so I don’t know how she is with people she does not know.

I just felt a third wheel a bit so when we got to her house I dropped them off and went to a local garden centre so they can catch up. I don’t feel it is for me to impose myself in her and her mother’s home. I know she told him a while back she has no time for dad’s girlfriends as he had dated some women in the past who were quite nasty to her as a child so she is weary.

He has an 18 year old daughter who was at work and he said she is a bit more engaging and would have chatted.

How do you get on with your partner’s children?

Have you been with him long, also was she expecting you to be there? Tbh I think it was extremely rude and bad mannered of him not to introduce you. I’d feel awkward just meeting up with a friend if they had another friend with them who I didn’t know, and then didn’t even introduce us

We have been together a while. He told her in advance I would be there. I felt it was bad manners he did not introduce us. She must have felt awkward and does not know how she could chat without an introduction which I felt like that.

'A while' doesn't tell us how long the relationship is. I'd class a while as 2 years. If you class a while as 2 months it's clear why she would be uncomfortable.

Also, if he treats his daughter this way (not caring for her feelings in a sensitive situation) it should be very telling how you will be treated down the line.

How longs a while? Sounds like she’s not really been a priority for a very long time if she’s been abused by his previous girlfriends from childhood. I can imagine she’s not jumping for joy at yet another one. 17 is not yet an adult, and you’re right in that your first introduction with her shouldn’t have been you in her mothers home. I wonder why your partner thought that was appropriate?

I think your partner was scared about being put in the middle of the disagreement between you and her that he was imagining in his head. I guess his daughters have read him the riot act about him having relationships with anyone other than their mum. The only solution is for you to be unrelentingly positive to and about his kids and wait for them to come around.... But only if that works for you.

We have been together 2 years. I know people will say that is overdue to meet them but we are long distance. Plus the last relationship the ex was awful to them and him. I think he did not want to introduce someone else again when they were still young. He said they met one or two partners who they loved when they will children but when they split it affected them. Then the hostile ones he dated was not good for his daughters growing up.

Bit awkward meeting for the first time in a car?

I wouldn't find it easy chatting to a new person from the backseat while they're driving.

I wouldn't make any judgements on how you're going to get along from this.

He did not introduce us...

I couldn't date someone with such poor manners or social skills.

He said ages ago she said she does not want to meet any future girlfriend’s of dad’s so I understand. She even said a few months ago she wish her parents never split up.

Though the mother was texting another man and was going to meet up with him and my partner ended the marriage. It broke his heart having to move out with not seeing 2 little girls. He did not see the point staying married when the trust was broken and his wife was unhappy as she always wanted a bad boy and now she has one she hates it and told him she regrets cheating. He would never go back but sad how the daughters were affected.

I thought that. Walking to the car and a short journey back. So awkward and he should have made an effort more.

Do you know him? That’s one out of thousands of possibilities that you’ve just completely made up. From the snippets of info that the op has given us, it sounds more of a possibility that that girls had no say about his girlfriends at all

She’s probably worried and stressed given his history of choosing unpleasant women who are horrible to his children. Who wouldn’t be?

Yeah, it's an awkward situation for a first meeting.

Your partner should have done better by you both.

I did say to him when did these incidents occur and he did say if he was in the toilet. One time he said he popped to a shop and that is when was nasty to them. I personally think he should not have left his children unattended and took them with him or not gone to the shop. Though I suppose he trusted his partner. He did not find out till after they had split up, they told their mother.

Awfully rude of him not to introduce and to manage the conversation so that both of you would engage with each other.

He sounds like a bit of a charmless oaf.

Have you spoken to him about this yet?

Not yet as I have popped to a garden centre while he catches up with her in her home. It is not right for me to impose to go into her home but I will be telling him. Not right what he has done to her and me not properly introducing.

Sorry, but the not introducing you is weird. And rude.

Yes I agree with this, but also, could you not have turned around and introduced yourself?

I know I should have but they just started talking among themselves and I was still in shock he did not bother to introduce us.

My step children have all flown the nest now and we have a lovely relationship.It was a tricky to begin with though.
My advice would be to take things at their pace, if they want to spend time with their dad on their own let them.
Invite them in days out where there’s no pressure to converse.
Expect it to be awkward for a bit, that’s just how it is. Be patient, peaceful and have a good heart.
Eventually you may become a true friend to them.

How rude of him not to introduce you. That's a huge red flag in my book. Don't be someone's dirty little secret.

Hard to invite someone on days out when their father doesn't do you the courtesy of introducing them to you!

So you're at least the 4th or 5th 'partner' he's introduced them to? How long has he been separated from their mother?

Just beware that all the stories you are hearing and all the reasons you are being given - are from him. Other participants might have very different versions of the story.