I feel so stuck.

[cluesinthename]

NC for this one.

context:
married almost 8 years. Together 12.
1 child, another on the way. History of miscarriages and loss.
traumatic few years of early marriage (rotten in-laws and dh who just didn’t get how awful they were for a good year!)
family girl, blessed and lucky to have such a strong base (parents and siblings, grandparents and extended family too)

my dh… sighhhhhh!
great guy to the external world. A softy to his family (he gets walked all over and emotionally blackmailed by them unfortunately)
at home, generally very helpful but also quite selfish. Never prioritises me or dc.

our love over the last year seems to have just fizzled out.
im very loving - he says that.
he has a very low libido - has been docs and they didn’t find anything alarming. Before we married we had sex every bloody opportunity we could find. Now, nothing. Unless I suggest and even then he’s not up for it half the time.

I feel unloved and unseen.
he doesn’t see that me birthing his child and carrying his next as anything amazing. Just a standard thing - no big deal.

i just feel a bit forgotten! Where has the love gone after these years of having it good?!
what do I do to reignite it? How do I get him to wake up.

I don’t think there’s any infidelity going on. He’s either at home, out playing sport, or clearly out with friends (Instagram always shows) and he wouldn’t even be arsed to cheat. Just so bloody lazy.

we have a really blessed life. A house, babies, food on the table, etc. I just don’t know what is going on

i bring it up and he says “I’m sorry you don’t see that I do love you” but that’s not good enough! He never says he’ll try more or anything. He’ll have his head in his phone or laptop watching sports and engaging in sport chat..

god I’m so bored, tired and know I deserve better.

Have you sat down quietly and calmly discussed how you are feeling very explicitly with him? What is his reaction to how you have said you are feeling? Have you explained to him exactly what you need from him to feel loved? It is good he has at least ruled out medical issues for his lack of desire.
I completely understand your frustration at the situation. Take some positive that he acknowledges it. Ultimately you need to decide what you want to do if you can't change him. Then you need to discuss these plans with him.
You need to decide how big an issue this is for you. The next dc will have a big impact on your life. You have both been through a lot of trauma too, you both might need help dealing with it. Could his lack of intimacy reflect his failure to process the loss?
Sending hugs x

That's a tricky one because you have children together. But perhaps it's time to give him an ultimatum?

I think you need to be very, very clear how dire this situation is for you. That the marriage absolutely will not survive if things don't change.

Thank you all so much

ive tried to talk to him so much

his communication generally in life is great. But feelings = zilch 😂. We have to text to talk to each other about serious things. He articulates himself better. But it’s so frustrating for me

I feel like I’m in a loveless marriage and I just want my best friend and husband back!!

This will sound so bad, but I’ve thought about leaving and how my life would be fine - I’m not unattractive and have always had interest (not sounding big headed just how it’s been for me)
but I don’t necessarily want to leave him.