What should I do about this friendship?

[Confitinn]

My friend has decided to end our friendship over what she perceives as a very personal slight against her. I was due to visit her for a weekend and my child got sick the night before I was going (v&d bug) and I didn’t feel I could leave him anymore. I’m a single mum so he was due to stay with grandparents. He also wanted me to stay with him while sick.
my friend has now taken this very personally that I “didn’t make the effort” to visit her and that she wasn’t important enough for me to not cancel the trip. We see each other regularly, at least a few times a year. She has now totally cut me off and I have not heard from her in over a month. I feel very upset about this and have reached out a few times to no avail.
what would you do?

Does she think you cancel a lot? Does she think you are unreliable? Or was it a one off? Does she have kids?

I never cancel and I was looking forward to the trip away, I was disappointed to not go. When I told her my child was sick she was really encouraging me to still come and I was hesitating then I decided not to so she understood it wasn’t something I cancelled easily. No she doesn’t have kids

I would chalk it up to a bullet dodged frankly. I can't ever imagine being so unkind and selfish towards a friend.

Either she doesn't care about you apart from what you can provide to her eg company/entertainment, or she doesn't believe you and therefore doesn't trust you. Either way I'd say it's not a healthy friendship at all.

She's really hard work and utterly selfish.

Be glad she's gone.

Of course you couldn't have gone to your friend's as planned! It would have been so selfish to leave your parents to deal with the d&v and obviously DS wanted his mother while he was unwell. And of course your child's welfare will always come first with you. She will get it one day. But it'll be too late.

She’s a selfish idiot with zero empathy. Yes she’s disappointed but sometimes the best laid plans don’t work out.

Mo need to throw her toys out of the pram but I’d let her sulk and don’t make contact with her

She is being very petty. I would never risk infecting a friend or relative with D&V, it's very catchy and very horrid. If you'd gone it sounds like she'd probably have given you the silent treatment for giving her D&V!

If you really want to be her friend I would send one more message making clear that you understand she is upset because she was disappointed, but you have not done anything wrong and will not be made to feel like you have. Explain that you were also looking forward to the trip and that you too are disappointed, but the circumstances couldn’t have been helped. Say that when she is ready to contact you, you will draw a line under it and move on with nothing more said about it, but she cannot speak to you the way she has been, or treat you as she has, and you are only giving her grace this one time in respect of your long-standing friendship. After you send the message, just leave it and then she can contact you if wishes.

She probably knows she overreacted and is embarrassed and can’t see a way back, so by sending this message you are giving her one.

Well, while I hate a random cancellaton as much as th enext person, in this case, I think you've dodged a bullet if she's no longer friends with you. Who on earth would expect a parent, particlarly a single parent, to abandon a sick child for a weekend jolly? I am not a crazy person whose children are attached to me 24/7, but I think most responsible parents would choose to stay with a poorly child.

Unless there's some massive backstory about you doing this all the time, or your child is 18, I think she' sbeing unreasonable.

How old is your 'child's? If he's 36 she's got a point- otherwise you are obviously going to put your child first. Some people without kids just don't get it.

It doesn’t require being a parent to grasp the D and V is ultra-contagious, and the OP could well have brought it with her and infected her host?

A nice friend would have understood that you have to prioritise a sick child.

She is not a nice friend, so in that case I'd let this friendship fizzle out.

He’s 4

If she's otherwise been a good friend, I would wait a while and see if she cools down and starts being more realistic/reasonable. Maybe there's something going on with her that you're not privy to.

I'd try to reach out again in another month's time. If you don't get anywhere then, you'll have to leave the ball in her court.

Good riddance and good on you for not wanting your parents to catch the bug.

I was on the way to visit a friend and she said while I was driving there that her daughter was ill and could we leave it. I turned round and went home. We're still great friends because it was no big deal- that's just what happens when you have kids. Bin her!

I had a similar friend. I cut her off.
she was a very selfish friend and would only meet me on her terms - late evenings and a walk during a lunch break. During one of the walks my LO was 6 months and I had a pram and she took us through a field of long grass, after constant digs from her through the newborn stage that I wasn’t seeing her enough at late nights
she then got in a huff cos I wasn’t making effort to see her. I had told her weekends she is welcome over but she wouldn’t.
some people are just selfish

I would be glad they had gone. A real friend would understand.

Not surprised at all that she doesn’t have kids. It sounds like she doesn’t have enough going on in her life. If she was a busy/doting mother and partner she would likely a) be more sympathetic b) crack on and make the best of the weekend without you. If you provided a polite apology and explanation that’s really all that’s needed, please don’t be tempted to continue being apologetic as that would undermine your valid reasons. As others have said she needs to either get with it or lose you, it’s really up to her.

A friend once came over for a meal and informed me that her husband and child had both had d&v and she was glad to have a break from it. I was horrified, not that she had left them, more that she might have brought the bug! I scrubbed everything afterwards and didn’t catch it. I’m possibly over cautious when it comes to sickness bugs, but I was really shocked she would take the risk, especially when eating at someone’s house.

I think it would’ve been far more selfish to go and visit a friend knowing you’d been been around someone with D&V which is usually very contagious. I’d be fuming if someone turned up to mine and mentioned they had someone with norovirus or similar at home.

@Confitinn she’s unreasonable. I wouldn’t want to meet up in case child was contagious and you might be incubating d&v and pass it to me!

Not really the same but my boss is like this. Doesn't have kids and expects you to put your work first followed by kids. When I am at work I put in 110% but when I'm home I forget about work. She is totally opposite. Good for her for being very work driven, unfortunately I am not.

A good friend would be understanding that you can't leave a sick child. It sounds like your friend is pretty selfish, I would just leave it. She's going to find herself with not many friends if this is the way she behaves!

She sounds really awful, if that's really her reason (it sounds so extremely unpleasant and selfish, it's hard to believe). Not someone I'd want to know.