If someone criticised you on something…how do you know if it’s true or not?

[Rubix44]

Basically my mum always says the same things about me (I’m quick to react, I don’t listen to anyone, I only want to hear what I want to hear). I think as a teenager there was much truth in that but my view would be that she can be very harsh towards me and not very emotionally supportive.
but when she says that I genuinely feel like
she doesn’t know me and has got me so wrong but then I think- what’s she’s right?
an example would be when I was struggling with my child’s behaviour and I went to her looking a listening ear and instead she lectures me on how awful my 2 year olds behaviour is and I would need to nip it in the butt now etc. all I wanted was a listening ear and some support. When I then say that she responds with the above sentiments.

has anyone else experience of this? Were you feel you’re family members just have you so wrong? It’s really upsetting me recently

it’s not you, it’s your mother.

It’s not your fault she is like this and you did not make her that way either. This is who she is and she is not going to change.

What are your boundaries like re her too: think about this a lot more.

Would you tolerate this from a friend, no so do not tolerate it from your mother. I would further lower all levels of contact going forward because it will also do your child no favours for nan to be so disrespectful towards her mum.

Do you have siblings; if so how are they treated in comparison?. Is your dad in your life, if so what is he like?.

Attila nailed it.

In my experience, when mothers directly criticise their children it is usually projection. They don’t like those faults in themselves but cannot bear to admit that they possess them in the first place, so they project them onto their daughter (usually the one least like themselves). Most mothers are either blind to most of their children’s faults or see their faults but would never dream of dragging them down by criticising them, because they love them and don’t want to hurt them or damage their self-esteem.

Women that are happy to berate their daughters the way yours does to you are the ones with a problem. So no, she’s not right and if she is bringing you down (which is exactly what she means to do) then you should distance yourself from her.

I do have siblings and one actually treats me the same. They seem to be in cahoots and make jokes about how I react and respond

It depends
If you went to her asking for help with your child's behaviour, she gave advice and your take from that was your child is awful then she's correct you've only heard what you want to (I know lots of people like this my sister included)
If you've gone to her complaining about your child and she's just gone into a rant that your child is awful then she's being horrible.

But this is one of those situations where unless people are there they can't possibly know if you do or don't do and behave how she says!

Yes. I went no contact. My mental health is so much better now!